


Cam boys

by Tetsuu_writes



Series: Camboy adventures [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Atsumu Miya, Bottom Bokuto Koutarou, Bottom Hinata Shouyou, Coffee Shops, Consensual Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Friendships, Domestic Boyfriends, Drinking, Explicit Language, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Porn Watching, Power Bottom, Sex Toys, Top Akaashi Keiji, Top Kozume Kenma, Top Sakusa Kiyoomi, Top Tsukishima Kei
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22662994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tetsuu_writes/pseuds/Tetsuu_writes
Summary: Sakusa was never really popular. He didn't have many friends, he was antisocial and didn't like touching all too much. All of that changes when he goes to university and meets Camboy Atsumu.OrThe story in which Atsumu and Kenma are Camboys and fall in love with shy Sakusa and sunshine Hinata
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Camboy adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828690
Comments: 57
Kudos: 254





	1. Curiosity killed the cat

**Author's Note:**

> Bokuaka and KuroTsuki are side pairings(Edit: There's a lotta side pairings). The idea came from a Twitter gc and it's a team effort in idea finding. I'm not a writer (normally an artist: Tetsuu_art on Twitter and Tetsuu.art on Instagram) and English is not my first language, so I apologise for errors. More chapters to come but idk how this site works yet, my bad
> 
> Also, everything @madsawa and @kuromantic on Twitter say about this fic are automatically canon so you can thank them for everything that's slightly weird. Also don't worry, we have a permit:) 
> 
> The permit: -we can do whatever we want with this fic-  
> Singed, Sawa, Emi and Tetsu

"Fuck, he's so fucking hot. I love Kodzuken's content"

When he had overheared some guys in his year talk about the newest video of someone called "Kodzuken" yet again, his curiosity took the best of him. He leaned over to Komori, who was sitting one seat in front of him in their voluntary lecture about literature. When the other boy felt the presence of his friend, he turned his head to the side and hummed softly.

"Hm?"

"What do the guys three rows from us keep talking about? Every Monday the it's same, I can't hear it anymore", the annoyance in his voice was hard to overhear.

"Uhm-", the brunette coughed into his elbow, only for Sakusa to take a little more distance between them before Komori could continue, "are you sure you want to know?"

Komori turned his full attention to Sakusa and watched his eyebrows furrow even further. Nodding his head, he waited for Komori to keep talking.

"Kodzuken is- he's a Camboy", as the words left Komoris mouth, his cheeks turned a little red and he focused his attention on the professor entering the room, to avoid further eye contact.

"And what is a Camboy?"

"I- Sakusa I really can't explain that right now. So, uhm, please just Google it, or something", was all he said before the lecture began.

And that's what brought him into this situation. Tapping 'Kodzuken' into Google. Clicking the next best page. Starting the first best video. And then nearly knocking his laptop off of his bed at the sound of a throaty moan coming out of the speakers at full volume.

Never in his entire 22 years of life did he slam his hand on his keyboard so fast.

No, no no no. He didn't like that. Not at all. The boy was small, lean. In this particular frame, where Sakusa had almost broken the damn keys, Kodzuken was wearing thigh highs and very see through lingerie. He didn't like that.

But don't get him wrong, oh no. He likes men. He likes pretty men, he likes muscles and soft voices. He likes men with nice smiles who hold open doors for him. He likes charming men. But he also preferred looking at them from a safe distance.

He went back to Kodzuken's homepage and saw he was 'friends' (it's really more like colleagues) with other cam boys.

He didn't have anything to lose, right?

Sakusa let out a loud sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and thumb. All that went through his head was: 'I can't believe I'm doing this' as he tapped the icon of a cute blonde fox that had the name 'TsumTsum' written underneath it.

He finds himself scrambling for his earphones, plugging them in (he won't make the same mistake twice) and looking through the videos on his page.

TsumTsum's name is about everything that makes him seem sweet or childish. Sakusa thought that the rest of his page seemed rather sophisticated, like he won't see thigh highs but maybe leather and chains. Without giving it anymore thought he let a random video from a few weeks ago play.

"Good evening, guys, how are ya? Excited? Hmmm, I bet you are"

His voice was captivating, smooth. Sakusa meant to close the page, that's what he told himself anyways. But when the boy, no the man, stroked his chest down his stomach and back up again, revealing a tiny piece of smooth, tanned skin, Sakusas hand just froze. His eyes searched the tiny frame on his laptop and he licked his lips when his mouth suddenly felt dry. Without noticing, he waited in anticipation, turning up the volume around his ears.

"I'm really tired today-", he began, letting his hands travel over his muscular thighs and giving his clothed erection a firm squeeze, "Mmh.. mind helping me out guys?"

Sakusa didn't take his eyes off the screen for even a second and watched the man on the screen get rid of his grey shorts, leaving him in a tight pair of boxers. It was painfully visible just how hard and eager he was, as he grabbed himself and rubbed his thumb over the wet plotch on his tip. He smirked and, god, he looked so hot, so good.

Nothing around him Indicated he was a camboy. The vibe that Sakusa got from him was more like- what had Oikawa called it again? 'Hot Daddy'? Even everything around him looked fancy. A nice bed, beige walls. It looked tidy and fitting for someone his age (Sakusa just assumed he was around 23 or something).

Sakusa bit his lip, mirroring the lewd actions of the Camboy and sighing a bit in relief. That felt nice.

Yes, he liked that. Maybe little too much.

____________________________

As time went by Sakusa watched more of 'TsumTsum's videos and grew to enjoy the Camboys voice more than anything. He grew addicted to the way he moved his hands over his body and how he worked himself open, on display for every viewer.

At first he thought it was silly- stupid even. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to watch the shows live. There was something about the fact that TsumTsum was pleasuring himself in that exact moment he appeared on his screen that made Sakusa swallow his pride.

Just the way that rich, tender voice said: "Thank you so much for watching! I'm live every Sunday at 10, so please come and watch me..", ended with a sexy wink was enough for Sakusa to simply obey and set an alarm that went off every Sunday at 9:50pm.

___________________

There was one thing that bothered Sakusa.

He kept telling himself that it wasn't a big deal and that with choosing to make shows TsumTsum knew what he was getting into. But, hell, it made Sakusa mad reading all those comments while he watched the live shows.

"Yeah babe show me that sexy asshole, stuff it real good"-meganebitch

"I wanna see you chockeing on my fat cook, slut"-joesdick

"Your so sexy bitch eat my cum"-suckdick18

Sakusa tried to refrain himself but couldn't help it.

"Your so sexy bitch eat my cum"-suckdick18

"You're*"-kiyo03

It was the first message he ever had sent while a stream was going on. 'What kind of idiot do people have to be to not know the difference between-'

Sakusa was ripped out of his thoughts of how disgustingly brain damaged some people were, when he heard a soft chuckle through is headphones, followed by a giggle. TsumTsum was laughing while looking directly into the camera, with a tiny smile on his lips. It would have been even cuter, if not for the fact that he was currently sitting on a green 8 inch long dildo (gift from a fan).

"Hu-", Sakusa lost his train of thought as fast as he worked his hand around his shaft, coming in less that a few seconds.

Did he laugh because of me? Did he see my comment? Sakusas head was running wild and he needed to take a deep breath before doing anything else.

How, just how did TsumTusm manage to sound so fucking hot. 'This is ridiculous', Sakusa thought to himself, closing is laptop shut and running to the bathroom to shower, abandoning the rest of the live.

The next time he watched TsumTsum live, he wasn't mad about the comments anymore. More than mad, he was discombobulated. Why would they be so rough with their words? Calling him names like slut and whore wasn't nice. For any other person he couldn't care less. Did they call Kodzuken a cock slut? Who cares! Sakusa certainly didn't.

But when it came to TsumTsum and his charming smile and nice skin and body and hair and co- why would someone insult that?

So as Sakusa was watching Atsumu finger himself, legs spread and sweaty, he worked up the nerve to comment for the second time. His comment stood out from the others by far.

"Yes fuck yourself you bitch"-dudebro69

"Let me eat your ass whore fuck"-alexfatcock

"ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵖʳᵉᵗᵗʸ..."-kiyo03

TsumTsum's fingers stopped, catching his breath to read through the comments and a warm smile spread from his cheeks all the way to his eyes. He took out his fingers, licking between them, his eyes focused on the camera to make sure his viewer saw him.

"Ah..thank you, Kiyomi.."

And Sakusa came so fast that his cum landed on his hand and he shrieked so loud one might think he had seen a cockroach in his salad.

After that, had Sakusa felt almost encouraged to keep commenting.

One particular time, he had just gotten back to his room in time, after studying how hours non-stop at a stupid assignment. He was tired and sleepy-horny so he opened his laptop and clicked on TsumTsums account in his bookmarks. He chewed his lip, watching the Camboy stroke his hard length lazily. Sakusa couldn't stop his fingers from flying over his keyboard.

"You're so so gorgeous"- kiyo03

"Your skin looks so soft, I would die to touch it"- kiyo03

"You have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard"- kiyo03

And he swore he saw TsumTsum smile and blush the tiniest bit, but maybe Sakusa was just seeing things. He was tired after all. He went to sleep after another throughout shower.

__________________

TsumTsum definitely knew he existed now, god, he knew Sakusas name! The Raven haired man couldn't stop thinking about that fact, the next day. But that didn't really matter in the end. Sakusa highly doubted the idea that TsumTsum would just casually walk into his class and ask Sakusa to be his boyfriend. Is that even something he would want? Sure, TsumTsum was gorgeous and his voice was to die for, but Sakusas rather antisocial behavior might not be as attractive to - well, pretty much anyone.

'Whatever', he thought while getting dressed for his job at the local campus coffee shop, 'He knows my name. That's enough' He took his bag and left, locking his dorm room behind him.

Work was boring as always. He superseded Ushijima from his shift and started his own, behind the counter. Sakusa didn't hate working at the Coffee shop, not at all. All he had to do was ask people for their names and write them on a cup, after all. Akaashi, the black haired, laid back beauty with glasses, who Sakusa mostly shared his shifts with, was responsible for making the drinks. Hoshiumi, the white haired, really loud air head was responsible for calling the peoples names and bringing them their beverages. Sakusa had mostly grown fond of Akaashi. He was quiet, didn't ask many questions and made an effort to leave no messes. His quiet remarks were the best, if they weren't directed at him. Sakusa highly appreciated that and was happy he didn't work with for example Bokuto. Even if he was friends with him and Hoshiumi was pretty similar to him. Sakusa flinched when said man walked through the door and had Hoshiumi yelling his name.

"BOKUTO!!"

To Sakusas horror, Bokuto wasn't much different.

"HOSHIUMI!!"

They hugged for a brief moment until Bokuto turned to Sakusa.

"Hi Kiyoomi. Can I please get cappuccino? Oh, my name is-"

"Bokuto, I know your name. Hoshiumi just yelled it through the whole shop", Sakusa said apathetically while writing 'Bokuto' on his cup and handing it to Akaashi.

Akaashi on the other hand wasn't paying Sakusa any attention, too caught up in looking at Bokuto through his thick lashes. Not even when Sakusa waved the cup in front of his face did he snap out of it.

"Uhm, Akaashi?", Bokuto said unusually quiet, maybe blushing even.

"Yes, Bokuto-san?"

"I think Kiyoomi is planning to murder you"

Akaashi straightened his back, snatching the cup out of Sakusas hands in a hurry and making the cappuccino that Bokuto wanted. He payed, Hoshiumi handed him his change and Bokuto walked over to where his friend Kuroo was sitting with a blonde boy that was taller than him, even while sitting. Or he wasn't taller at all, Kuroo was just slouching.

"I can't believe you still have a crush on him", said Sakusa, oblivious to the whole situation. He walked over to the sink next to Akaashi and washed his hands while looking at his friend. "How long have you been trying to-", Sakusa paused, thinking of the right words, "-get him to notice you?"

Akaashi only smiled wide, almost grinning, unable to hide his excitement with his body language. He finished making the drink, handing it to Hoshiumi, who zoomed over to Bokuto and placed his order on the table.

"He already noticed me plenty, but thank you for your concern, Kiyoomi-kum"

Sakusa didn't quite understand what that really meant, but in the end it's none of his business, so he didn't press the matter after. As they heard the tiny bell over the entrance door jingle, they all went back to their positions. Sakusa lazily rolled up his sleeves, waiting for the next customer to order.

Mondays after class were normally a quiet time for the cafe, if you ignore Hoshiumi and Bokuto. The shop wasn't big, just enough space for 20 people to get comfortable in while sipping coffee, tea or a hot cocoa. The windows were big and were letting the golden hour sun shine in through them. It was cozy and welcoming, just the way Sakusa liked it

When the sun hit his eyes, Sakusa lowered his head. The customers that had entered the shop were now standing in front of him, but he didn't look up; he just stood there with a cup and his pen in hand.

"Name please?"

"Hinata!! I'd like a latte please, extra milk and sugar!"

Sakusa wrote 'Sunny boy' on the cup. Hoshiumi would understand it. He and Hinata were friends after all. He turned to the figure next to Hinata.

"Name please"

"Atsumu Miya. Uhm, Atsumu alone is fine"

Wait.

No.

No way.

Sakusas head shot up to meet the gaze from the two man in front of him. He held his hand to block out the sun and nearly choked on his own saliva, letting everything he was holding fall to the ground and even knocking over a mug in his attempt to walk backwards. The sound of the glass shattering made everyone go quiet and turn their head to the register.

"I-I'm so sorry, did I startle you-" the blonde leaned forward to read Sakusas name tag,"- Sakusa?"

He couldn't stop the tiny gasp from escaping his mouth, before he slapped his hand over it. Everything was blurry and slow. He didn't notice neither Akaashi hurrying to clean up the glass splinters nor how Hoshiumi yelled at him to take the damn order already.

"I'm sorry, Sakusa, are you okay? Can I help you somehow..?", Atsumus voice was different now, his concern audible to everyone. As Hinata jumped to help Akaashi clean up he cut himself, bleeding from his thumb.

Sakusa felt dizzy. He was hot, probably already had a boner, because of TsumTsum- no, because of Atsumus beautiful voice and the sight of Hinatas blood was the rest he needed to just fall to the floor, trying to catch his breath. Not blood. Blood is the worst possible thing. People around him moved too fast, he could only hear snippets of what they said.

"Hinata, I'm sorry, please go and wash your hand. Hoshiumi, you clean this up and I'll go get some fresh air with Sakusa", Akaashi demanded, crouching down next to Sakusa.

"I'm gonna touch you to help you up, okay? Hey, Miya, come help me"

They supported Sakusa with each an arm behind his back and over his shoulders and placed him gently on a bench outside. Sakusa was breathing weird, eyes shut and brows deeply furrowed. This could not be real. That didn't just happen. This is a nightmare and soon he'll wake up from his regular nap at 3pm before his shift started and he'll go to work and nothing exciting will happen.

"Hey, Sakusa?"

Unless it wasn't a dream and he really did hear Atsumu say his name again and again until he had the strength to open his eyes.

"What?!", he snapped, looking directly into Atsumus eyes and immediately regretting it. He was so hard right now. He was just inches away. If Sakusa leaned forward a little more, he was sure he could find out what Atsumu smelled like. God, he could count his eyelashes.

But of course Akaashi had to ruin the moment.

"Kiyoomi, you are hard", was all that he said in that monotone voice of his. Only closer friends would hear this tiny noise Akaashi made in the back of his throat when he wanted to laugh instead of sounding polite and Sakusa never wanted to punch someone so bad. His hands went to his apron to hide his hard on, but in vain. Atsumu had already seen it, even if he tried to be a gentleman and just not mention it. God, he saw Sakusa make a fool out of himself. Now when Atsumu tells his friends about him, Sakusa will be described as "The weird guy who got a boner when he saw me and almost passed out". Great. Just fantastic.

"Keiji, cut him some slack, he must be terribly tired..."

To his surprise, Atsumu defended him.

Oh?

"Happened to all of us before, right? So, it's fine, don't worry about it, Sakusa"

O-Oh.

"Just take some deep breaths for me and relax, alright? That's it, very good"

Oh no.

When his dick jumped in his pants at Atsumus Voice and he tried to hide it, Sakusa was brought back to reality. This was really happening.

Akaashi was a little bitch. He did mean only the best for Sakusa, though. So he stood up, smiled softly at Atsumu and said: "I'll be needed inside, can you handle this on your own, Miya?"

And to Sakusas horror, Atsumus answer was:"Yeah yeah, don't worry"

For almost 7 minutes, Atsumu was squatting on the floor next to Sakusa, just waiting for him to get his breathing back to normal. Why were his thighs so muscular?

When Sakusa was sure his hard-on was gone he took a deep breath and yawned, tears filling the corners of his eyes.

'Cute', thought Atsumu.

"I'm deeply sorry you had to waste your time with me", Sakusa mumbled while getting up. His hair was a mess and his locks jumped when he bowed a little. "I'm fine now, so I'll be getting back to work. Again, I apologise."

And as Sakusa left inside, Atsumu watched his every step. Something about him was very cute. He didn't know if it was the worn out collage look, the moles over his left eyebrow or the mop of crazy hair that bounced with every step Sakusa took. But Atsumu definitely thought he was cute. Maybe because he was looking at his ass, too.

________________

Needless to say Atsumu started visiting the shop more often. He highly enjoyed seeing the Raven haired man get flustered and flail his arms a bit, before Atsumu even said anything. Every Monday and Thursday for the past month he visited the shop at the same time (no one needed to know that Atsumu had asked Akaashi for Sakusas shift times, which Akaashi gave with a knowing smirk).

Sakusa became more relaxed each time Atsumu had visited him in the coffee shop, not because he got used to that sexy voice saying his name, no. He just got used to walking around with a boner and he learned how he could hide it best. He still stuttered when Atsumu would ask him questions in that sweet time of his.

"What do you Major in, Sakusa..?"

"L-Literature", that was a lie. He did enjoy reading Shakespeare, especially Macbeth, and other kinds of literature. However, what he was majoring in was Biology and Latin.

"Oh, so you know how to write poems and haikus? Did you ever write one, Sakusa?"

He almost thought Atsumu knew he was watching his shows, was addicted to his voice and that's why he kept saying his name so often; on purpose. But that couldn't be it, Sakusa would jump from the next best cliff if Atsumu knew Sakusa enjoyed watching him deep throat dildos while moaning from vibrators in his ass. No no no.

"I- I don't write poems, but Akaashi does.."

"Keiji! I didn't know that! Are they about Kou-Kun~?"

"Miya-", Akaashi smiled, eyes closed, a vein popping out on his temple,"- care to repeat that?"

Atsumu jumped a little, holding his hands up in defense. "No, not at all! What were we talking about?"


	2. Everyone gets it, but two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just love dramatic irony and gay panics I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer, but the next one will be a little shorter- prepare for some angst :)
> 
> Sakusa has a panic attack in this chapter and I just tried to express what I feel when I get one, so I'm sorry if it sounds weird or anything

Sakusa was a fool. 

He's had many opportunities to ask Atsumu questions, as much as he had asked holes into Sakusa. Atsumu has asked him his favorite animal; ferrets. He has asked Sakusa what music he listens to; mostly metal. The blonde had even asked him if he thinks that cereal is soup one Monday morning and Sakusa had been so out of it that he just blurted out a "yes". He was too nervous and way too concentrated on his dick, to not stumble over his words and make an idiot out of himself. 

But everytime Atsumu laughed a little with a gentle smile on his lips, his being an idiot didn't seem so bad anymore. 

Sakusa wanted to ask him questions, too.

Like what his favorite color and animal was, what he liked to eat for breakfast. How he cut his pizza. How he pronounced gif. If he liked boys.

If he liked Sakusa? 

He honestly didn't think he would ever work up the courage to ask that without any help. By help he meant- you know.. alcohol. 

He sighed, putting his worn out sneakers on and plugging the charger out of his phone. Sakusa opened it with his fingerprint, looking for a specific number. He dialed and waited for 5 rings until the call was picked up. The voice on the other side of the line seemed out of breath.

"Y-Yeah hello? Who is this?" 

"Hello, Bokuto. This is Sakusa. I wanted to ask you a question, but I- I think I'm interrupting something.." 

Bokuto grunted, taking in a shaky breath. "Give me a second, I'm working out. Wait" 

Sakusa played with the hem of his jacket while he waited for Bokuto to do whatever he needed to. 

"Okay, I'm ready!! What is it, Kiyoomi?", he didn't sound as winded now.

"Do you- uhm. You know Atsumu, right? Would you, by any chance know what he's majoring in?" 

"Oh man, I think he told me a few times, but I really can't remember what it was exactly", Bokuto said apologetically. Atsumu had often complained to him about his assignments and presentations, but he never mentioned anything in much detail, knowing that Bokuto wouldn't understand it either way. "Artists", was all Atsumu had said at the time, to what Bokuto only grinned lopsidedly. 

When Sakusa only let out a disappointed sigh, Bokuto felt a bit bad. 

"Why do you wanna know? D'you wanna be friends with him?" 

Well, that's a good question. 

Without much thought Sakusa said yes. 

"Well he- he's is throwing a party this saturday and said I could just invite anyone I want. He doesn't live on Campus, but it's not far from here so- if you want, I could accompany you on the way and press all the traffic lights for you. Since, you know, you don't like that all that much"

Sakusa had to admit, that was kind of nice of Bokuto. He thought about it for a second. Was that such a good idea? He mulled it over and Bokuto thought the connection was lost for a second, but then he heard Sakusa mutter under his breath.

"Is- Is there a dress code? Do I have to bring anything-" 

And then he heard a laugh, not from Bokuto, but someone else. The voice was too familiar and made his skin crawl. Great. There was some ruffling on the other end.

"Kiyoomi, have you ever been to a party?", Akaashis voice was ringing in his ears. Sakusa was really hoping it was a rhetorical question and stayed silent, as to not seem even dumber.

"Just wear what you're comfortable with and you don't have to bring anything. Also, don't pee your pants again when you talk to Miya-" 

"I did not pee my pants!!" 

"Whatever you say, Kiyoomi.." 

__________________

Several days later Sakusa is standing in front of Oikawas full length mirror, turning from left to right, looking at himself. 

"It looks good, brings out your ass. Azu-Chan has good taste", Oikawa said flatly, maybe a little jealous even. All fashion majors were the same, expect for Oikawa and Azumane. They were complete opposites of one another, but worked together swimmingly. Asahi couldn't be there right now because he was modeling for Lev's winter outfits, who was modeling for Asahis fall collection is return.

"Can you please be serious about this? I don't want to look stupid, okay?" 

Sakusa paused to make a second turn to look at his butt. 

"My butt looks good?" 

"Yes. Those pants are tight fitting. Come on, you look good, but your face is a bit shiny. Lemme put some baby powder on you, Omi-Chan"

After he let Oikawa mess with his face some more, he was looking very handsome (Oikawa might have put some eyeliner on him, without saying or explaining it much). Sakusa was wearing a black suit shirt, the two first buttons opened and revealing his pale skin. His tight pants are black with holes on the knees. His waist was looking snached. 

In other words: Sakusa was looking like a snack. 

"Thank you, Oikawa. I'll be sure to give my thanks to Azumane as well.." 

"Just tell me if you get laid or not, hmkay?", Oikawa chirped from his sluggish pose on the bed.

"Uhm- N-No-", Sakusa stuttered. He didn't know if he could initiate that yet, if Atsumu wanted it, if he'd be happy about it, if he'd tell anyone at all,"I mean maybe- I don't know, I'm just gonna- I'm off then, thank you again" 

"Not a problem, Omi-Chan"

__________________

When he arrived at the party with Bokuto, Sakusa was more than overwhelmed. He had never been to a real party before and didn't know if whatever was happening was normal or not. Too many people, too many smells and too much touching. There is puke somewhere on the floor and he wanted nothing more than to just leave. But he wanted to see Atsumu. Actually no, he'd get a boner again, no. He wanted to find Hinata instead. Or Akaashi. They might know a few things about Atsumu. That way he wouldn't have to ask him directly and he won't have to touch himself in such a dirty environment or walk around with his dick pressing against these tight pants. 

After he blinked twice, Bokuto was gone. Well shit. 

Sakusa tried making his way through the mass of people dancing. He was too distracted to even think about that he really was in Atsumus home right now. This is where he lives, sleeps. This is the kitchen he cooks in and makes his coffee. 

As he looked around the kitchen, he noticed the big amounts of pizza, finger foods and alcohol. 

Jackpot. 

The boy was sure he wouldn't touch the food, no matter what. But he didn't have anything against some alcohol. Plus, the kitchen was rather empty, not as many people as in the living room- or what he thought had been the living room? Sakusa wasn't sure, but pushed his thoughts aside and downed a glass of red wine in one go. 

'So, where would I be if I had red hair and we're the sun and everyone loves me?', Sakusa asked himself, after drinking half the bottle of red wine by himself; on an empty stomach no less. 

'Hm, no. That's definitely too vague. He would be anywhere! Maybe I'll just look for Akaashi' 

In his lightly drunken state Sakusa cared slightly less about how much of the wall he was touching to steady himself; he was still being careful. He tried to avoid the living room all together. He remembered puke on the floor and he didn't want to get near that at any cost. 

The house was big, like, really really big. It had three floors, maybe at least seven bathrooms and Sakusa was more than just extremely confused. All he wanted was a free minute without the thick air all around him and all these strangers. Was that too much to ask? How can people even enjoy these 'parties'? 

Sakusa found a balcony when he was suddenly pushed against the glass by some people passing through. 'Idiots, don't touch me' 

He managed to open the balcony door on this fourth try, stepped one foot outside. He needed a second to let his eyes adjust to the darkness from outside, but as soon as they did, Sakusa deeply wished they hadn't. He could see and hear something he never wanted to witness. Had he not been slightly drunk, he would have been a lot more disgusted. Especially because of who it had been. 

The scene Sakusa layed eyes on was Akaashi sitting on a fancy stool with cushions. On his lap was none other than Bokuto, grunting loudly and rutting up against Akaashis crotch desperately. Their tongues were making nasty, lewd noises as they tasted each other. To Sakusas surprise, none of them seemed to notice his presence, too caught up in their little moment. They were- 

Were they together? 

Well, good for Akaashi. Sakusa wished them well, but he could live without watching them get at it, so he left without the pair noticing him in the slightest. 

He moved on, thinking he could probably get fresh air someplace else. Without knowing his destination anymore he kept walking, opening random doors in the hopes of it being empty so he could just sit down. Until he found a door that definitely had a big yellow sign on it that said 'Do not enter'. 

And exactly in that moment Sakusas only thought was: "This sign can't stop me, because I do what I want", and he opened the door. 

Oh, how sober Sakusa is gonna hate him for touching all these doorknobs. 

The next scene that unfolded before him was even worse than the first one. By far. And even if he was drunk, he could recognize the people without much effort.

On his knees was Hinata, his back facing Sakusa, his head facing kodzukens pelvis. The latter's hair that had once (maybe) been a ponytail, was in wild disarray. He was Leaning against a wall and smiling at Sakusa with a devilish glint in his eyes. He waved his hand casually.

Okay what? 

Had Sakusa only seen his face, he never could have guessed someone had his dick in their mouth.

Hinata was choking, making loud slurping noises and whimpering to his heart's content, in the believe that no idiot drunk would just open the door and walk in or that, at the very least, Kodzuken would've locked the door. Hinata seemed to be pretty new to all of this, but how could Sakusa know for sure? 

With a whole body shudder running down his spine, Sakusa slammed the door back shut and shook his head. 

'Why the fuck is everyone getting what they want but me?', he thought and brushed his hands against his thigh. He couldn't ask Hinata about Atsumu like this either. God, why was everything so complicated. Why was he even- 

"Oh no", Sakusa said, interrupting his own thoughts,"I have to pee" 

After looking for a bathroom for what had felt like three hours, the drunk man found one, only to see it was locked. He held his ear to the door and god sober Sakusa would really hate him more than anything else, but he tried to hear if there was someone inside. 

What he heard then was a sound almost too normal in his current environment for him to be surprised anymore. 

"T-Tsukki…" 

"Hhmmm, what was that, baby?", a voice he couldn't place said teasingly, followed by wet sounds.

"Please- ah, FUCK- please eat me out more, Tsukki" 

'Alright', Sakusa thought, 'this bathroom is taken then' 

Sakusa cursed himself when he started sobering up bit by bit and walked at a more reasonable pace now. He quickly found an empty bathroom, peed and continued to wash his hands for the next 8 minutes. He internally wished he could just take off his clothes and take a shower, but decided against it. People were doing all kinds of nasty things in every room he entered so far. Atsumu didn't need someone using his shower, too. 

Walking down the hall at a much quicker pace, the Raven haired man finally noticed the interior design he had been wondering about. Everything about it seemed very expensive and sophisticated. It was as clean as it could be with a party going on. Sakusa walked down the stairs carefully. 

And then, when he stopped at the bottom of the staircase, Sakusa saw him. 

He was standing with a few people Sakusa had never seen before, holding a glass of champagne. The suit he was wearing looked so terribly good on him that Sakusa almost got hard again. Almost. 

'Now or never'

Sakusa took his first step, never dropping his gaze on Atsumu, only to slip on a puddle of vomit and fall to the ground. In a matter of seconds, everything turned black. 

__________________

Groaning loudly, Sakusa opened his eyes. He needed a few seconds to adjust and find out where he was and what had happened. 

First, he looked around the room where he was laid on a big bed underneath the covers. Beige walls, very spacious. When his neck felt warm, he looked down at himself to find he wasn't wearing his own clothes anymore. Lifting the covers, he saw he had grey shorts and a black turtleneck on. It was form fitting and cozy. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed he tried to regain his memory, but was distracted by a nice smell. Fresh laundry. Not only he, but also the covers and the whole bed smelled clean and fresh. Sakusa smiled happily until he heard a noise coming from the door he was facing. 

The door opened, hot steam was coming out and blocking Sakusas view. The silhouette stepped out of the bathroom and Sakusas jaw dropped. 

Standing in front of him was Atsumu, a towel around his waist, a towel in his hand drying his hair. Droplets of water were running down his chest and Sakusa caught himself thinking he wanted to lick them off, disgusting himself a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit. When Atsumu locked eyes with him he smiled bright and Sakusa almost shielded his eyes with his arms. 'Too bright' 

"Sakusa, you're awake! Thank God", Atsumu said, hanging the small towel around his neck. 

"How are you feeling?" 

Atsumu moved around in what Sakusa imagined was his private room. His private room. 

Wait.

Beige walls. Atsumus cam room. I'm in new clothes, Atsumus clothes and Atsumus bed and he just got out of the shower and asked me how I'm feeling and he looks so hot and- 

"W-What happened?", was all Sakusa managed to coax out, his dick jumping and twitching a little under the covers at his thoughts. He was facing Atsumus back while he was leaning down to grab a pair of socks and Sakusa could see the curve of his ass perfectly. Jesus Christ. 

"Don't you remember? You slipped on some vomit and kind of fell into the puddle and passed out. I helped you get here and got vomit on myself, too, so I showered you and then me. Keiji said it'd be fine, but I still feel bad that I- uh.. You know, didn't have your consent about cleaning you, I'm really sorry about that. Keiji also said that you'd hate it more to wake up full of vomit than cleaned and showered so- yeah", Atsumu explained facing his wardrobe still, while putting on his socks. He took a pair of boxers and dropped the towel around his hips to put them on. Fuck that's hot. Fuck. Fuck. 

Sakusa didn't know how to feel though, everything was just too much.

On one hand he was starting to fall in love with the fact that Atsumu cleaned him, willing to get vomit on himself because he knew Sakusa wasn't a fan of that. He liked that Atsumu apologized. He's also fucking hot. So hot.

On the other hand, Sakusa wanted to crawl into a hole and die, because Atsumu had seen him full of vomit and naked. At the same time. 

No. No no no. This couldn't happen. This won't do. Atsumu must think he's a disgusting guy and alcoholic or something. Sakusa started panicking. His throat was slowly being sewed shut, no words coming out or air coming in. He could feel the panic attack in himself rising up, what led him to panic even more- to think 'No, I can't do this right now. I don't want you to see me like this, I'm so pathetic' He waved his hands wildly, trying to swallow down the lump building in the back of his throat. His eyes were burning, the pressure in his chest was rising up, his head and all his thoughts felt like a hurricane. Everything was too much. He shut his eyes tight, trying to vanish from sight. He couldn't breathe. Sakusa coughed loudly and soon after a core shaking sob ripped through his whole body. His hands found his hair, pulling on it lightly while tears streamed down his face. He yelled, coughed and sobbed.

In a matter of seconds, Atsumu was kneeling down next to the bed and took a hold of Sakusas hand, which the other shook off and pressed close to his body. 

"No, don't touch me, don't touch me- don't-", Sakusa sobbed out, overwhelmed by everything that was- and had been happening around him. 

Atsumu was in despair. He wanted to help but never in his life did he have to deal with someone breaking down like this. He didn't want to touch Sakusa any more than he already had, as we had clearly been uncomfortable with it. In slight panic himself, he remembered what Kenma told him would be a good way of distracting people. So Atsumu started talking, in the hopes it would bring Sakusa in a different headspace. 

"There once was a boy and his twin brother. They were raised the same way, but one of them was always less popular. They were mean to him, told him that they hated him and though it didn't seem like the boy cared, deep inside, he was hurt. He and his brother fought occasionally, but at the end of the day everything would always be okay. Life would be especially hard on them and when highschool was hell, the other brother was the reason the more unfortunate one survived.", Atsumu started telling a story. He noticed how Sakusa calmed down just the tiniest bit and continued with a smile. 

"The less popular boy grew up to want to become a lawyer so he went to uni and majored in law. It's very hard on him, too, but he manages. At a certain point in the boy's life, he noticed he was different from others and that it was the reason he was treated differently. At first he thought he was weird-disgusting even, but as time went by he learned to accept who he was and live out his dreams and fantasies, finally understanding he was no anomaly. Through being himself, he met many new people and made friends who accepted him. He had never been this happy. But something was missing. And maybe he would find it one day, in someone who was as different as he was.. It's an open ending so uh- you can just think of how the Story-", Atsumu was stopped in his story-telling, too deep into trying to make Sakusa feel better that he didn't notice how Sakusa had calmed down and had been hanging on every word that left his lips, red eyes and tear streaks on his cheeks forgotten. 

Sakusa wrapped his arms around Atsumu, nearly toppling over and falling on top of him on the floor. He heaved Atsumu on his lap, burying his face in his neck. 

"Thank you", he mumbled against the sensitive skin on Atsumus neck. The blonde shuddered, goosebumps spreading all over his body. "Let me just, hug you for a bit I- I need to- I need this right now. Please don't let go.." The last part sounded vulnerable and broken. 

Atsumu relaxed, squeezing Sakusa between his arms and brushing his fingers through the still damp locks. "Take your time..", he said empathetically, as if he knew exactly how Sakusa felt. Even if he didn't, Atsumu came to the understanding that when someone isn't feeling well and needs a hug that you don't let go before they do. And so he waited, playing with loose locks and thinking to himself how someones hair can be so soft until Sakusa loosened his grip to look up at Atsumu. 

He had forgotten that Atsumu was only wearing boxers. He was sitting on his lap. Atsumu was sitting on his lap. In boxers. And again he got hard.

Sakusa turned beet red in a matter of seconds, hoping and praying that Atsumu hadn't felt any of that. Atsumu could only guess it was because of the lack of clothes and stood up, smiling. 

"Are you feeling better now, Sakusa?" 

"O-Oh", Sakusa said, too distracted by Atsumus skin to have his brain functioning correctly. "I mean- Y-yeah. Thank you for cleaning me up and stu-stuff. Keiji was right about what he said. Also uhm, where are my clothes? I got them from a friend for today and-" 

Atsumu tilted his head, rubbing the towel against his hair once again and smiling big. 

"You got these clothes just for my party?" 

Ah, fuck. 

Sakusa cheeks burned. He hiked his legs up, hugging them to his body and resting his head on his knees. 

"I-I mean- What if I did? This was the first and last party ever I'll ever attend.. "

At that, Atsumu frowned, sitting down next to Sakusa.

"I didn't know that, I'm sorry.", Atsumu looked at his hands sitting in his lap. Neither said anything for a short while. Then, they started talking at the same time. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" 

"How can I make it up to-" 

Both stopped, turning red. 

"Y-You go first", Sakusa stuttered. 

"I sent everyone but my closest friends home, they practically live here.. So, uhm. You didn't eat at all and you were pretty drunk, I was told by Kenma and my brother. Wanna help me make some healthy dinner until your clothes are clean and dry?" 

That was his chance. If he said no now, everything he suffered through would have been in vain. Sakusa fiddled with his fingers, avoiding eye contact. He was so close- he smelled so good. 

"Y-Yeah. I mean, yes, I'd like that" 

"Wonderful. Then-", Atsumu was stopped by Sakusa, who raised his voice. 

"Under one condition. Please, put on some clothes you are-", 'Extremely hot and distracting',"-probably cold like this.." 

___________________

Sakusa was sitting on the kitchen island after Atsumu had cleaned it up for him. They were talking about everything and nothing while Atsumu cooked some omelettes for the both of them. They were smiling like idiots.

They were interrupted by Kodzuken- or now Sakusa nows- Kenma, who opened the fridge to get two bottles of water. He turned to watch Sakusa and Atsumu and waved. 

"Hi", he said quietly. 

"Hey, Kenma. How was it, did you destroy him?", Atsumu asked the boy while Kenma was trying to fit the water bottles in the hood of his hoodie; he failed and put them on the edge of the counter. Kenma grinned, nodding while stretching over the counter to grab the telephone.

"Hell yeah I did. He won't talk to me though, he's mad I dragged him off the party where he was apparently winning just dance? I was just gonna order some food so he won't ignore me..", Kenma said. He trailed off at the end, trying to remember the name of Hinatas favorite 24h restaurant. 

"I could also just make some more omelettes for you two. It's healthier than whatever you would get him", Atsumu said. Sakusa was astounded by the fact that they could just talk about these things so casually and go from (probably) sex to food. His friends were different there. Oikawa was too over the top, Akaashi was knew too much and Komori was rather shy. He wished he could build up a relationship like this. 

"Shouyou does love your Omelettes…", Kenma mumbles to himself, still lying flat over the counter, "Fine, I won't have to call people that way. Thanks TsumTsum" 

Atsumu smiled and got some more eggs and milk out of the fridge.

"Where- uhm. How did you two meet?", Sakusa asked cautiously, skratching his neck. He didn't want to step on a mine or have both of them find out he had watched their videos at some point, especially not that he did it himself to Atsumus. The two looked at Sakusa, at each other and back to Sakusa. 

"Business", was what they said. 'Huh, business',Sakusa thought.

Sakusa had to be smart about this, he didn't want to reveal his love for Atsumus videos just yet. Or at all if he didn't have to. 

"What kind of business, if I may ask?", He said, jumping of the kitchen island and rubbing his back. He had been sitting for a bit too long. 

Again, the two looked at each other and shrugged this time. Kenma nodded and looked back at Sakusa. 

"We're Camboys", he said matter of factly. 

"What- What does that mean is there a definition for that?", Good one Sakusa. 

"Well, urban dictionary says a cam boy is a boy or a man that does sexual poses in front of a webcam, but I don't know how one would describe our videos..-", he paused to adjust the heat of the hotplate, "We may be doing more than just pose. And in our case Kenma is the boy and I am the man" 

"Oh shut your whore mouth, I am a top, you are a bottom, so shut it. End of discussion", Kenma said grumpily. They seemed to have had that conversation more than once. 

"But then why are you the one acting all bottom and cute with your adorable lingerie while I-", Kenma groaned loudly stopping Atsumu from talking any more. 

"My. Fans. Like. It.", Kenma said, now sounding exhausted. 

"Your fans are weird pedophiles. Except for Shou-Kun. He's babie." 

"Your fans are the real perverts here. Am I not right, Kiyoomi?" 

Sakusa coughed. "Uh, what?" 

"I wouldn't play dumb if I were you. Keiji is a close friend of mine and told me about your little crush", Kenma grinned, turning to lay his back on the counter. Atsumu looked between the two and suddenly his face fell. He replaced the frown as fast as it came. 

"You have a crush?" 

"I-I uhm. I don't know, maybe? I- yeah I think I do", Sakusa stutters, avoiding eye contact. 

"That's not what I meant. Are you not a fan?", Kenma asked. 

"You're a fan?", Atsumu asked excited, "What's your favorite video?" 

Don't get him wrong. He wasn't happy about Sakusa having a crush, even if he didn't entirely understood why, at the time. Atsumu wasn't some weird pervert, because he was excited Sakusa liked his shows. No, but he had a tiny thought in his mind that said that just maybe he could change Sakusas mind and make him fall for Atsumu, even if only for a short while. He felt that with him, it would be worth the hurt he felt so many times before and had been shielding himself from, all this time. Maybe. 

Sakusas plans were destroyed. He could see why Akaashi and Kenma got along. His head was hanging low while he thought about which video was his favorite. Just thinking about it made him hard. The answer that Sakusa gave was not what Atsumu would have expected. 

"The one where you say my name"


	3. "No video today"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst for yall + me self INDULGENTLY making a sad playlist for Atsumu based on sad songs I listen to 
> 
> You might wanna check "Ease my mind" out by Ben Platt, it's a very good song :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I cried while writing this so,, pls prepare for some sadness!! I'm working on chapter 4 now and it will be divided into two parts because I'm evil hehe
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the nice comments, it means the world to me that y'all enjoy reading this :')
> 
> If you don't mind, tell me which parts you liked best, so can keep doing it the same way!! Thank u all

Atsumu was dumbfounded until the sound of a burned omelette sizzling in the back brought him back and he went to cooking, his mouth agape. 

"The one where I- say your name?" 

Not only was he confused and didn't quite understand, but Atsumu also had the audacity to smile anyways. 'So there's hope?' 

"Your names Kiyoomi Sakusa right?", He asked, just to be sure,"I say your name in- … a lot of my new videos" 

Oh yeah. Sakusa was well aware of that, nodding his head in agreement. Kenma was just looking in between the two, like their cat that knew all the gossip ever told, but couldn't talk, because you know- cat. This was like the movies for him. He didn't dare say another word, too funny watching them try and get it right by themselves, even more so because both didn't seem to have the most self esteem. 'Oblivious idiots'

"Yeah I-I know.." 

"Wait so- are you-", Atsumu finished cooking the rest of the omelettes and had Kenma snatching the two plates out of his hands. "Thanks again, Tsumu", was all he said while running off to bring Hinata the food. 

"Let's eat too, shall we?" 

Atsumu didn't press the subject any further. If he ever learned anything about getting along with people then it was how they would act when they were uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable lead to conflict or sadness or- anything he didn't want Sakusa to feel. He set the table under Sakusas watchful eye and sat down with him. They ate in silence, except for the sound of forks meeting plates and the occasional sound of Atsumu tapping his fingers against the wooden table. 

At the time it was three in the morning and Sakusa, different from Atsumu, was very tired. Atsumu could feel how drained he was and smiled to himself when Sakusa started quietly talking to himself. He understood that Sakusa probably wasn't the type to stay up any longer than maybe one or two after midnight. He chuckled softly and forced himself to be quiet to get a better change at hearing what Sakusa said.

"I'm so sleepy, so sleepy. Just wanna sleepy sleep. Omelette tastes nice. Yes but sleepy. Haahh I really need the sleep now. Komori would make me get the sleep. Get sleepy. Get the sleep-", Sakusa started rambling, rubbing his tired eyes. 'He must be so exhausted after everything', Atsumu thought. He felt like he should check if Sakusa was still in a condition to consent by himself and asked him a few questions. Better safe than sorry; and Atsumu didn't want to be sorry anymore.

"Sakusa, what did you Major in again?" 

"Biology, obviously, silly. I told you many times..", Atsumu assumed that was a lie, since Sakusa had told him once he majored in literature. 

"And where do you work?" 

"I work at the coffee shop with this bitch Akaashi-" 

Atsumu snorted at that, laughing softly. He assumed that this too, seemed not as right as it really was, coming from Sakusa. Atsumu knew they were close and that Sakusa probably had a different relationship with Akaashi than he did, but Atsumu just couldn't really imagine Akaashi being- well- a bitch. 

"Seems like it's time for bed, Sakusa"

Sakusa mumbled more and more and Atsumu didn't understand half of it as he jogged over to where Sakusa was slouching in his chair. He lifted the other up like a princess only to have him hanging in his arms like a sack of potatoes. 

"Do you need the sleep, Sakusa?", Atsumu joked quietly, moving ungracefully to get a steady grip on the man in his arms, as not to drop him. He was enjoying this moment immensely. This sleepy Sakusa was terribly cute in the way he mumbled and rambled on. Sakusa nodded in total agreement, eyes wide but then half-lidded again. "I-yes- I need the sleep with you. Let's take some the sleep, TsumTsum..", Sakusa softly purred, rubbing his cheek on Atsumus collarbones. 

Oh? 

Well if that wasn't illegally cute then Atsumu wasn't studying the law correctly.

Atsumu carried the sleep deprived man in his arms to his room and laid him down on the bed gently. He watched as Sakusa pressed his head against the covers, smiling happily. "Smells nice", was all he said. Atsumu gave the covers an experimental sniff. 'So he tells the truth when he's tired. Noted. I'll ask him about my questions against tommorow' Atsumu pulled the covers up to Sakusas chin and stood up. 

"Ill be next door if you need me, Alright? If you need anything- anything at all- just come and tell me.." 

"Wait. Do I have to wait till you're in the other room to ask you what I need or- can I ask right now?", Sakusa said, sounding drunk but being just very very tired. Atsumu laughed a little and shook his head. 

"You can tell me right now, too, it's okay" 

"Then come here...please", Sakusa held up the covers for Atsumu to come and lay next to him. Drunk and tired him were so brave. 

Atsumu blinked twice. "You wanna- cuddle?" 

"Yes, duh, I wanna cuddle. I wanna cuddle you every single time I see you, every time." 

Now it was time for Atsumu to turn red. 

'Cuddle? He just wants to-', Atsumu took a deep breath,'Okay, calm down. You got this. It's not a big deal' 

Atsumu climbed under the covers next to Sakusa and felt the taller man wrap his arms around Atsumu loosely. Sakusas arms were firm but in that moment they had felt like cooked spaghetti. He was humming, satisfied, smiling. It was beautiful.

"You're so soft.. your skin feels nice, Atsumu..mmh, you're warm.. you smell so good, like cinnamon and vanilla..hnn..", some cogs in Atsumus brain fell into place and started turning.

Atsumu couldn't deny that he liked the attention he got from his job. He enjoyed people losing their minds over him. He liked driving them crazy. He thought that it was the only way for him to ever be good enough, the only way to please people. In that second he figured out who Sakusa was. He understood that Sakusa only liked him for his body as well. But why would he give him these compliments? Why would he be so kind if not because he liked Atsumu?

But this was different. Sakusa didn't just want to use him and then leave him, right? Atsumu felt like Sakusa might genuinely like him- but no, that's ridiculous. No one really liked him for more than his body and skill. They were all the same, that what he had learned the hard way. 

'All the same', he thought, his eyebrows furrowed but still smiling all the same. With that painful smile he kept stroking Sakusas hair gently. 

Even if they're all the same, Atsumu didn't mind Sakusa hurting him. And just like that, cuddled together they fell asleep and Sakusas clothes in the dryer were long forgotten.

_________________

For once in his life Atsumu didn't feel cold when he woke up. There was no uncomfortable feeling he wanted to shake off, nor any bad dream that haunted his subconsciousness. What he felt instead was drool on his chest and a warm body pressed against his own. He tilted his head to take a look at the clock; 4pm. Atsumu looked at the sleeping figure on top of him and almost laughed. Sakusas hair was wild, his locks all over the place sticking into different directions and covering up his face. Atsumu couldn't stop his hand from brushing the locks out of his forehead and holding them to Sakusas head. Only now did Atsumu really see the two moles over his right eye. They were cute and gave Sakusa extra character, like that one thing you would tell the police if the person ever got lost. He caught himself wanting to press his lips against them, but decided against it. They are no couple. Maybe they were friends, but Atsumu didn't want to just decide that on his own; he knew how fucked up that was. So he just laid there, waiting for Sakusa to wake up. A few minutes later, he was softly snoring again, content and at ease.

While wiping his drool off his chin like a cute animal, Sakusa woke up. He tried to rub his eyes, but soon noticed he couldn't move his arms any further than his chin. He opened his eyes and was met with beige walls. 'Right', he thought,'Atsumus place' 

He could feel Atsumus strong chest against his back and Sakusas butt was neatly pressed against the others crotch. 'Oh no', Sakusa thought, while trying to wiggle out of Atsumus grasp, to no avail. But, to Sakusas never ending bad luck, he could feel Atsumu getting hard. Against his butt. 

Atsumu was hard. Pressed against Sakusas butt. 

Sakusa tried to still his movements, but couldn't stop squirming when he got an erection, as well. Great. 

Sakusa saw himself as someone who had excessive bad luck. Whatever could go wrong, always went wrong in the worst possible way. That may have been one of the reasons why Sakusa didn't have many friends. He thought he would fuck up somehow and lose their trust. He wouldn't know what to do in a situation like that, even less than the situation he found himself in at that very moment. 

Sakusa had bad luck in this situation as well. Atsumu was no deep sleeper, he just had never been this comfortable in his slumber before. Sakusa didn't know that though. So of course he cursed himself even more when Atsumu started rocking his hips in his sleep. He started whimpering quietly, right next to Sakusas ear, which had Sakusa squirming and breathing hot air. It was an awkward and uncomfortable situation, no matter how one would look at it.

Sakusa wanted this, he really did. What he didn't want were consequences. He wanted to have Atsumu for himself, he wanted to be selfish and keep him away from everyone else, but he knew that was wrong and it made Sakusa groan. Too complicated. He was sure he could shove Atsumus arms away if he really wanted to. And he didn't want to, that was for sure, but he still did. With all the strength he could muster up while horny and still sleepy, he sat himself up and took a bit of distance between them. He looked in the blondes face and saw him sleeping in peace. Sakusa sighed. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry because- he didn't really understand what was happening. He couldn't read Atsumu, he didn't know what he wanted. What would his friends think of him? What would everyone think of him? 

It was all too much and so Sakusa did what he could do best. 

He ran away from his problems. 

He stood up, left the room and walked through the big house in search of the door that said 'Do not enter'. When he found it, he knocked, waited for the green light to open the door and did when he heard a voice saying:"Come in!" 

Sakusa entered the room and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. He looked at the two men laying in a pillow fort playing some video game. Hinata was losing terribly, by the looks of it, because he couldn't keep his eyes off Kenma. 

"You're really bad at this, Shouyou..", Kenma mumbled with his eyes glued to the screen and paused the game to look over at the door, waiting for Sakusa to speak up. 

"Uhm. Hi.", Sakusa said, "Can you please tell me where your laundry room is? I need my clothes." 

Hinata didn't quite understand the situation, having slept through all of it. Kenma just gave Sakusa a disapproving look. Even if Sakusa wasn't familiar with Kenma, it gave him a nagging feeling of gulit. He was just glad he learned to ignore it with the time. 

"Is Atsumu up? Did you tell him you're leaving?" 

And then Sakusa said "Y-yes", you know, like the stuttering liar, that he was. Kenma wasn't stupid, he could tell Sakusa was lying, but it wasn't his place to interfere when Atsumu had done something wrong; that was Kenmas only plausible explanation for why the black haired man would want to leave so fast. But he just nodded. 

"Shouyou will show you the way", Kenma said, pressing a soft kiss to Hinatas temple. The readhead smiled and hummed softly, jumping up on his feet. "The laundry room is this way!" 

And as soon as Sakusa had his clothes back and folded the ones he was wearing neatly into a pile, he left.  
___________________

"I can't believe you've done this", Asahi said shocked.

"What was I meant to do?", Sakusa spat. Asahi frowned at that. 

"Yes, that's right, you have the backbone of a chocolate eclair. Mines just- I don't know-", he trailed off and sighed, playing with his hair absentmindedly while pouting. 

"I mean, I don't think what you did was a good idea, but I can't really blame you, because I did the same thing. Well, kind of", Asahi said, skratching his neck. 

'Huh', Sakusa thought,'He thinks we forgot' 

"You mean how Noya asked you out on a date and you said "Neat" and then didn't show up, because you were embar-", Sakusa started, but was interrupted by Asahi waving his hands wildly. 

"Don't remind me…", Asahi sighed and buried his face in his big hands. 

"You know, he was really sad..", Sakusa said. "Even I could tell and I'm really not empathetic at all" 

"He wasn't sad. He was probably relieved I didn't show up and-", he stopped when he noticed the look Sakusa was giving him. 

"Who am I kidding, he was mad. He was mad I didn't show up and he- he probably won't wanna talk to me but- … Look, what I'm trying to say is: Don't be like me. From what you said, it sounded like he is interested in you" 

"I think it's already too late for that but- I-I was just so overwhelmed and I can't- I was never good at reading people's emotions and even- even if there was hope for me he would just-", Sakusa rambled. 

"He would just..?", Asahi asked carefully. 

Sakusa groaned, ruffling his hair and pulling on it before he sunk into the covers of Asahis dorm bed even further. 

"Sorry to interrupt but-", Asahis dorm mate said from the other side of the room,"-it sounds like both of you are complete, utter sissies" 

"Well, how did you confess to your crush?", Asahi asked. 

"I walked up to him, told him I'll be free on Saturday at 7pm and slapped his ass", the red haired boy said, as it was the only right way to ask someone out. "He blushed really hard and then I ate his ass on Saturday" 

"That's easy for you to say. Ushijima is a dense block of not understanding jokes. If you told him 'I like you' he would just say-", Asahi made a stern face and talked in a lower voice,"- 'I like you, too'" 

"Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend like that! He can be really sweet in his own special way! Even if he does sound like that when talking..", Tendou mused. 

"This is not helping..", Sakusa sighed for the 50th time that day. "I'm gonna talk to Oikawa, maybe he has some good advice for once" 

"I'm telling you, just slap his ass, he really wants it, trust me", Tendou said and turned back to his assignment after making a few turns on his office chair.

____________________

"So- what should I do?", Sakusa pleaded, after telling Oikawa what had happened, obviously leaving a few parts out like the maturation and gay panic.

"Okay. Let me ask you this, Omi-Chan", Oikawa started, adjusting his stance from where he looked at Sakusa, who was sitting on his bed cross-legged.

"Does he make you feel at ease? Do you wish to hold his hand and play with his hair?", Oikawa asked softly. 

Sakusa nodded, playing with a loose strand of his hair, unsure of what was to come next.

"Do you wanna be the only for him? Do you want to make him smile? Do you want to be the most important person to him and comfort him when he only even frowns?", Oikawa continued, sounding uncharacteristically broken. He wasn't soft-spoken in any sense, but this tone gave Sakusa goosebumps. "Does the thought of him make you smile and fuzzy all over?" 

Sakusa looked up at Oikawa and something in his eyes gave him all the answers he needed, before the brunette even had to explain. 

"So you missed your chance, huh?"

"You need to stop running away. I did that and it didn't turn out well. Let's not make this about me. I don't really wanna talk about it but- please don't miss your chance"

Maybe Sakusa wasn't so bad at reading people's emotions after all. 

____________________

Most days, Atsumu woke up with a pit in his chest. When he awoke up for the second time that day, Atsumu felt empty. He was cold, there was that pit again that ate him from the inside out. He stared at the ceiling and sunk into his thoughts, which he just couldn't put to rest.

Of course Sakusa would leave. Atsumu had tried to give him reasons to stay, but he knew he wasn't exactly the type of guy one would present to their friends or be proud to have. He wasn't used to showing himself the way he was, there were pieces he would always hide. Atsumu was still learning so much about himself. When Sakusa came into his life and wrapped his arms around him, it eased his mind. He wasn't thinking about anything at all when Sakusa cuddled himself up to Atsumu, no bad thoughts. It had made sense to all the troubles he ever went through, as if it had been for just that one moment. He didn't want it to be just one moment, one moment wasn't enough. He couldn't wait anymore, he had waited his whole life. He didn't want waiting to be all he's ever done and all he'll ever do. He wanted love. He wanted Sakusa. 

He wanted his nervous stuttering. He wanted Sakusas light hair tugging when he was irritated and his little pout when he just played with the locks. He wanted the tiny genuine smiles he would get once in a while. He wanted his sleepy rambling and his embrace. He wanted all of him, the things he learned to love and the things Sakusa probably hated about himself. He wanted Sakusa. 

He needed Sakusa.

But it was just a sad invention, he knew it wasn't the real thing. Atsumu had no idea about real love. But with Sakusa, he was happy. He thought he could pretend and keep pretending he was something better than this broken kid who's life was made hell, because he was different. If he pretended long enough, maybe it would come true. And then maybe he would believe it, too. Because then, he wouldn't have to look at it, no one would ever get to look at the demons he tried so desperately to hide. There was just a handful of people who had seen him, all of him. Maybe it was just Kenma and his brother. Atsumu had luck with befriending Kenma. Kenma was the only person that understood him, all of him. That was all the luck he was granted, though. But what would happen if everyone else knew? Would they like what they saw or would they hate it, too? 

He was overthinking. As soon as he felt himself grow on the spot he stood up shaking himself awake and jumping up and down. No, not again. Thinking too much was never a good idea. But just for a little bit, he would lose himself in his sadness and then he would abandon it to the very back of his mind, like he always did. 

Watching Hinata and Kenma be all lovey-dovey was exceptionally hard that afternoon. He ignored Kenmas worried glances and only sat down in the living room, because he always did on Sundays before his shows. His shows. Right-that. 

He would normally be excited, cooking some dinner and preparing his show but today- today was different. 

"Kenma?", to Atsumus surprise, Kenma sat up straight and turned all of his attention to the blonde in an instant, ignoring the purring redhead cuddled up to him. At least Hinata was in a good mood. Atsumu liked him lots, he was a good, happy go lucky kid, even if they were pretty much the same age- How old was he again? Well, it didn't really matter. Hinata just had this 'little bother' feeling about him. Atsumu believed that no person in their right mind could ever dislike Hinata, even if they wanted to. Everywhere he went, he made friends along the way, and Atsumu would be lying if he said he didn't envy that. Kenma was jealous of that, too, if in a different way. Kenma was more envious of Bokuto and had said something along the lines of: "Everywhere he goes, he just owns the place", and Atsumu had to agree, it was a really admirable trait to have. 

"I can't make- I don't feel like cooking dinner today, let's just order something, alright?" 

Kenma pouted at that, mad that his friend wasn't feeling well. 

"I'll call, you relax, alright?" 

"You- ..You wanna call?", Atsumu stuttered wide eyed. Kenma pressed a chaste kiss to Hinatas lips, carried him over to Atsumu, placed the man into Atsumus lap and looked at the latter. 

"Yes, I'll call, because you don't feel like it. I can feel it. Have Shouyou and cuddle him a bit, he is like a charger for happiness", Kenma said, leaving into the kitchen without giving any chance to argue. He knew Atsumu so well, it was scary. 

Atsumus eyes filled with tears and he quietly started sobbing into Hinatas hair. Even if he still didn't understood what was wrong, he just let himself be squashed and didn't ask any questions. Atsumu was grateful for that.

"Im sorry-", Atsumu hiccuped, wiping his eyes quickly.

"Atsumu-san..", Hinata mumbled. He felt bad for him, but he didn't know how to help exactly, so he just said what he thought was best, " There's no need to apologise. I don't know what's troubling you, but whatever it is- I want you to know that being you is enough and that we like you for who you are" 

'Ah. They're good', he thought.

Atsumu was bawling his eyes out at this point, clutching onto whatever was in reach in fear he might slip away. 

Roughly one hour later the three of them sat together at the table, eating take-out. Kenma had been nervous on the phone and had said something wrong about Hinatas order, but the shorter one didn't mind it at all and gave Kenma a lot of kisses instead. He was proud of Kenma.

'Man', the blonde wished, 'I want that' 

Hinata offered to do the dishes, to Atsumu and Kenmas relief. 

"I'll be in my room", Atsumu said before leaving. He didn't want to worry Kenma even more. 

It was 9pm and Atsumu thought it would be a good idea to listen to some music and cry, so he did. With headphones in his ears he flopped down on his bed and starting listening to some sad songs. 

Gotta be a reason - Alec Benjamin

Beautiful Thing - Grace Vanderwaal

Ease my mind - Ben Platt 

Atsumus eyes were closed shut and he concentrated on the words, the music, the bass and the beautiful voice of the singer. He thought of Sakusa. He was lip syncing while tears streamed down his cheeks. It might seem stupid for outsiders, but it was a good outlet for his emotions. He sang along for some parts and sobbed for others. At the end of the song, he was sniffing, opening his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

You wouldn't like me - Sleeping at last 

Amnesia - 5 seconds of summer 

Sick of losing soulmates - Doodie 

In my blood - Shawn Mendes 

While he decided what song he would wanna bawl to next, his alarm went off. Almost 10pm. 

Atsumu grimaced at the thought of making a show right now. He just wanted to wallow in self pity for another hour or two and then go to sleep. He sat himself up, taking his laptop. He logged into his account and wrote a short message. 

"No video today" 

Yeah, that should do it. It was that simple for him. The same couldn't be said about Sakusa. 

Sakusa didn't mean to check the site, it had just become routine for him and before he could leave, he read Atsumus message. He stared at his laptop screen, wide eyed. And his whole world shattered to pieces.


	4. Done being a pussy 1/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakusa and Atsumu are idiots but there's a lil progress, also some new characters are hopefully gonna make u smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to part chapter 4 into two parts, because I like keeping you guys on the edge of your seats :) Update for part two will come tomorrow night though, so don't worry c:

Roughly two weeks had passed since the party and the two men were each coping in their own ways. 

Atsumu had been depressed the whole time. He didn't make videos, he didn't talk much and slept a lot more. He kept visiting the coffee shop only to find Sakusa wasn't there. Even though he should have learned his lesson, he kept visiting in the hopes to see his face, even just for one last time so he could stop pretending he had any chances. He was a fool and wallowed in self-pity. 

Sakusa was apathetic, at least pretended to be and distracted himself from the fact that it may have been his fault that Atsumu had stopped making videos. Of course he thought Atsumu was mad and didn't ever want to talk to him again. How could he have known Atsumu was waiting, yearning to see him smile again?

Sakusa was so horny and angry all the time, because he had no shows to watch and release himself and also didn't have any outlet for it his attitude. He tried to befriend the reality of him and Atsumu never being a thing and it worked for the most part. He had never been in a relationship, so he also wouldn't know what it's like. He knew he was missing something, but not exactly what. It was like never wanting to taste blood because you know you would get addicted, so Sakusa thought. 

The last two Sundays were spend with listening to his metal music and just laying around like a piece of wood on water. He even started listening to some songs by Semi Eita, who Tendou had recommended. Tendou Satori was a really fun guy. He was, in Sakusas eyes, the perfect mixture of 'mom friend' and 'reckless friend'. He was nice, sarcastic and Sakusa and he shared a raging hate against people in general and bonded over that. Sakusa would take a lot of time to open up to Tendou, but Sakusa was positive that it would be easier with people who were as understanding as he was. Tendou often talked about his boyfriend Ushijima and it made him think of Atsumu, for whatever reason. 'Atsumu isn't my boyfriend', he remembered himself. It made him sad and he was jealous but, he didn't have the heart to stop Tendou from rambling about Ushijimas broad chest or his thighs, his 'baby cute smile' or the cute things he did for Tendou, because who was he to complain when he was the one who ran away from Atsumu in the first place? He was happy for Tendou. But he couldn't stop his heart from breaking, little by little. 

On the next thursday, both of them knew they would meet. Sakusa knew, because Atsumu had been at the coffee shop a lot. Ushijima seemed to be quite the gossiper, because Tendou had told him about Sakusas struggles and had him keep his eyes open at work. Ushijima told Tendou how often Atsumu had payed them a visit and Tendou gave the information back to Sakusa. 

The only reason Sakusa hadn't see him until today, was because he had changed shifts with Daishou. Working with Yaku and Terushima was nice, though. Terushima was loud and fun but also a little stupid in an endearing way. He was easy to talk to and encouraging. There was nothing foul or rotten about his personality, he was just honest and pure (maybe a little horny as well). Yaku was a really cool dude. He knew what he wanted, how to get it and then act like it was no effort at all. Yaku also had a big mouth and told Sakusa more than once that he didn't like Daishou and that he was glad Sakusa was working with him. There seemed to be a rivalry between Kuroo, Yaku and Daishou that not even they could explain, but at the end of the day, Sakusa imagined they were good friends. Maybe. 

To Sakusas bad luck, shifts had to be changed back again, because of Daishous lecture times. Sakusa swore he had never seen anyone make a face as disgusted as Yaku did in that very moment. The bridge of his nose, the corner of his mouth and the side of his eyes were full of wrinkles, it was very expressive. 

"No, that's not fair!", Yaku yelled. 

"It's alright, Mori, don't worry. It's fine", Sakusa said while writing 'Morisuke' on a cup. Warming up to Yaku was easy. He would tell the truth, no matter how hurtful and then it was over with. It looked so easy when he did it. 

"It's not. Your mental health is more important than whatever this idiot is majoring in, which is probably being a pain in the ass!" 

"I told you it's fine. He will come here and get his usual lactose free Frappe with cinnamon and vanilla and that will be it. He was just nice to me, because I'm a fan and I will stay a fan. There won't be more to it and that's okay", Sakusa said, handing Iwaizumi the cup with Yakus name on it. Akaashi had other plans today, so he had switched shifts with Iwaizumi. He was a cool guy, too. Very polite, nice arms with pretty tattoos. The blossoming tree was his favorite. It reminded him of Oikawa in a sense, but he couldn't quite place why. The last time he talked to Oikawa it hadn't seemed like he was blossoming at all; like something was holding him back.

"Hey, Yaku-san!!" 

"Hey Sakusa, did you know that I have this headache that comes and goes? Yeah, it's coming right this way UH-", Yaku started before he was huddled up into a big embrace by Lev, lifting the smaller one off the floor like a limp noodle. Sakusa couldn't stop his snort. 

"Let me down you monster sized Russian baby!", Yaku ranted, kicking his feet and flailing his arms around like a feral animal.

"But I missed Yaku-san so much!!", Lev cooed, as if talking to a newborn baby. "I need you to model for me again. Your pictures always come out best and the colors of my winter collection compliment your eyes really well, you know!" 

Yaku scratched the back of his head. "Aw, shucks. Alright, I'll be there later.. See you, 'Yoomi" 

Yaku waved and sat down in a far off corner with Lev, waiting for Hoshiumi to deliver his black coffee with cream to him. 

"Hello! Could we get one latte macchiato and one espresso?" 

"Yes, names please.." 

"Ah, the espresso is for Mattsun and the latte for Makki", the taller one said before laughing quietly.

"Alright, here Iwaizumi..", Sakusa handed the cups to Iwa, who took them with a glare to the two men. 

"You two can sit down and wait for your coffees someplace else, you know", he said, wiping some cream from the previous order off on his apron. 

"But Hajime-", Makki pressed out, nearly busting with giggles,"you look so good in that Apron! Mint is so your color! Also, we don't wanna miss this-" 

"Miss what-", Iwaizumi tried to find out. He was rudely interrupted by the bell ringing violently over the entrance and the sound of the door colliding with a chair. In said door stood none other than Oikawa, pretty winded and breathing heavily, hair in his face but stance proud. He stomped over to Iwaizumi, jumped over the counter and took both of Iwaizumis hands in his. All eyes were on them, and it would be an understatement to say Iwaizumi was uncomfortable. 

"Iwa-chan… I'm gonna be selfish. I don't care if this ruins our friendship. I don't care if you hate me after this. All that matters right now is that I get this off my chest. Don't protest and don't interrupt me", Oikawa nearly yelled. He took a deep breath. 

"I love you! I have loved you since we were 18, maybe even sooner! You probably don't feel the same but- now it's out there and I won't take it back"

Sakusa couldn't see his eyes, only saw the way Iwaizumi stared up at him with wide eyes. When Iwaizumis face softened, Sakusa let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding. 

Iwaizumi reached out and slowly caressed Oikawas cheek. He was smiling bright and warm and kissed his forehead. Oikawa broke apart at that and was now sobbing into his shoulder, while Iwaizumi was comforting him. It seemed like it was second nature to them. Like it was painful for them not to do it.

"See? It wasn't so hard, you big baby", he said, kissing Oikawas hair. "I love you, too, but next time- please don't make a scene, everyone is looking" He looked up from Oikawas cream colored hair with apologetic eyes to everyone in the room.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki were celebrating and the whole shop gave a round of applause for Oikawa. At the sound he turned around, laughing, smiling and wiping the tears that wouldn't stop falling. 

'He must be so relieved' 

"Go sit down with the other idiots, I'll make you your favorite", and with a soft kiss of the lips that probably tasted like salt and love, Oikawa went and let himself be cuddled between the other two men. He shot Sakusa a look. His eyes were red, bloodshot from his tears, but his smile and the genuine happiness and warmth that was radiating from him was so powerful. Oikawas look said "It's your turn" and Sakusa let out a big sigh. 'I wish that were me'.

____________________

In that same moment, Atsumu was sitting in his room, looking at the pile of clothes that Sakusa had left him before he disappeared that day. He was sitting cross-legged, slouched and deep in thought. He didn't know what was wrong or right anymore and doubted everything he ever thought he knew for sure. 

Why was he doing this? Why was he here? He would rather be cuddled up to Sakusa, being loved and praised. 

Kenma hesitated before knocking on the door and opening it. He knew his friend needed him right now, so he would be there for him. 

"Hey", he said. "We need to talk, Tsumu.." 

Atsumu turned his attention to Kenma and watched him as he carefully sat down next to the blonde. 

"Where's Hinata?", Atsumu asked. His voice was tired, raspy. It sounded like he might burst into tears at any second. 

"He's out with Pedro, practicing some Portugese, since Shouyou kept talking in Spanish and it pissed Pedro off" 

"Alright…"

Kenma pushed a stray strand of hair out of his face and lay flat on his back next to Atsumu. The other mirrored his movements and they both stared at the ceiling. A few minutes passed until Atsumu started talking. 

"Kenma, why am I like this?" 

"You you want the soft explanation or the brutally hard one?", Kenma moved his head to the side, chewing on his lip. 

"Hit me with your best brutal shot, I guess. I have nothing more to lose.." 

Kenma arranged his thoughts before he started talking. 

"You were hated as a kid. You were different and being different is unacceptable so they made your life hell for it. Since you had no positive responses to your actions since then, every bit of praise meant the whole world for you. Still, after your first boyfriends - I still wanna kill them with fire- you thought that the only way to please people was with you body. They made you think you were worthless, but praised your body. You thought- or you think that no one cares about your opinion and you accepted that fact to the point that you did the only thing that brought you praise with the only acceptable thing about yourself. Your body" 

Atsumus face was straight. There was a difference between knowing something deep down and hearing it from someone else. To his surprise, he didn't feel like crying anymore. He had started seeing his worth as it is and not the way others treated it. 

"But then there was Sakusa. He was the first and only one who defended you, who gave you real compliments that weren't only reduced to you body. And for a second there you thought you deserve a good guy. But then your past caught up with you and this guy had to just run away and I-", Kenma stopped himself, sniffing softly. 

"Ke-Kenma..", Atsumu mumbled. He was caught off guard by Kenmas outburst and just wrapped his arms around the smaller one. 

"No- I hate this! You deserve happiness, more than anyone else and just because those assholes told you lies and you didn't know any better than to believe them, you don't know- you-you can't see what a good catch you are and it upsets me seeing you this broken- it's not fair!" 

Atsumu had no response to that, so he stayed quiet and waited for Kenma to calm down. It was unusual for Kenma to show so much emotion, but Atsumu wasn't opposed to it. Kenma was just a human and so was he. 

"Okay, I'm done being a pussy, you can let go now", Kenma coaxed out while getting up and stretching out his limbs. Atsumu watched him silently for a second until he spoke up. 

"Hey Kenma?" 

"Hm?" 

"Let's get some coffee" 

"I love you, but I ain't movin', Tsum"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to know what you think, so please comment, it would make me very happy!!


	5. Done being a pussy 2/2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakusa listens to his friends advice and KenHina are babies and Hinata speaks a tiny bit of German bc I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse all my grammatic mistakes, sometimes I don't notice until posted :(  
> I hope you enjoy!

Sakusa was leaning against the counter, shielding his eyes from the setting sun while he waited for his shift to finally end. For hours he had to watch Oikawa and Iwaizumi give each other loving gazes, which bluntly reminded him of how much of a pushover he was. He tried to ignore the new couple, but his eyes kept looking for their happy smiles and his mind went to think he wanted to this happy with Atsumu. If only Sakusa wasn't such a stick in the mud and had any idea of love, maybe he would have a tiny chance. But he doubted it. 

Hoshiumi next to him was as annoying as always and kept talking about his major while he was flailing his arms around in excitement, even though Sakusa wasn't even listening to him one bit. Hoshiumi didn't mind that, it seemed. Less than paying attention to the screaming seagull next to him, Sakusa was thinking. About Atsumu, to be precise. Every once in a while he caught himself thinking about the smaller man, in various situations, if he liked to or not. Be it holding his hand or rearranging his guts. Or both and ideally at the same time. He shoved these thoughts to the side and thought back to Oikawa, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He was sipping his tea, fumbling around with his napkin, cheeks red. Must be nice.

Oikawa had only needed to be brave for a few seconds. A few seconds of confidence was all it took to confess his love and it worked out - just fine. No one had died (to Sakusas surprise) and the world was still turning. But was it really that simple? How does one get a rush of confidence to make a fool out of themselves for twenty seconds? What would happen when the other person didn't feel the same? 

Sakusa had no time to think about it any further, when the bell over the entrance made a loud ringing noise for the second time that day. Where before Oikawa had stood, Atsumu was strolling in with his hands in the pockets of his coat (You know those coats that look really good on 30 year old men with slightly grey hair? Yeah that kind of coat). Putting the fact that the beige coat was making him look super hot aside, there had been nothing all too appealing about him. He looked tired, despite the many naps he had taken, his hair was undone and lay flat on his forehead, his lips were chapped, even his walk was a bit sluggish. 

When he came to a halt in front of Sakusa, he gave a weak smile and said: "Hi.." For some odd reason Atsumu didn't dare say the others name, in fear he was in no position to do so. 

Atsumu was holding eye contact like a champ and the more Sakusa looked at him, the more defined Atsumus eye bags became. His skin was a bit blemished and dry to the touch. At least Sakusa imagined it would be, if he would reach out and caress his cheek and temple.

And all Sakusa could think of, was: 'Oh what have I done? Are those my fault?' 

"Hey..", was what he had settled saying. From one second to the other, his mind was going crazy and hazy. All the advice his friends had given him were replaying in his head like a broken record after some mild panicking.

'I can't see him like this! This is all my fault! How can I make him smile, what do I do? Do I just- kiss him? Do I confess first? I had no time to mentally prepare myself for this! What if he doesn't like me after all? What did Tendou say again I should do? Oikawa told me not to run away- What did Asahi say I shouldn't do? I'm-' 

"Look, I don't know if you like me or not, because I kinda couldn't tell but I-uhm- wanted to let you know that I have- I have feelings for you. A lot of them. Good ones. And uh- yeah. I wanted to know if you- uh maybe, if you want- uhm. Fuck. You- uh- wanna go on a date? With me?", Atsumu confessed slowly, tripping over his words, while his eyes fixated on Sakusas dark green ones. He kept staring at him, waiting for a response or any kind of reaction. When all Atsumu saw was a blank face, he already moved to leave the shop, ready to cry himself to sleep yet again.

'Don't say neat, don't say neat, don't say neat' 

"Neat! I mean yeet! I mean- no! I mean, wait- yes! Arg, let me- let me start over?", Sakusa was babbling. He wanted to be the one to confess, what sounded stupid all in itself, but thinking back to all the situations he made up in his head, it was always him who kissed Atsumu and told him the truth about his feelings. He needed to be suave about this, he would curse himself forever if Atsumu wouldn't react like he had imagined it, swooning and blushing all over. Now that he knew Atsumu had feelings for him, he felt relieved. He jogged next to Atsumu hastily, took a deep breath and did the only thing his fuzzed brain could think of; which was the following: 

Sakusa took Atsumus hands into his, pressed a soft kiss to the back of his hand and proceeded to give Atsumu a firm clap on his ass. The blonde yelped in surprise, looking at Sakusa with wide eyes. Before Atsumu could ask what the slap was for, Sakusa continued.

"I-Im free on Sunday evening, I'm coming over", he said with a wavering voice and a wink, "Don't be late- I mean I won't be late" His face was cool and relaxed, but he was sweating a lot. He just slapped Atsumus butt. His butt. Ass. 

'Damnit I'm getting hard again!', Sakusa realized, his face dusted in pink.

He hurriedly walked back behind the register to hide his lower half and just smiled at Atsumu lopsidedly, a single drop of sweat running down his temple.

Only then, a few seconds belated, Atsumus face went red. He had to process what had just occurred and it took him a little longer than he would like to admit. He began to burn all over, his knees were pudding and his butt could still feel the impact of Sakusas hand. 

"I- … Ah-..", he was going to reply, but only managed to open and close his mouth like a fish on land. When Sakusa smiled, very much satisfied with the reaction he got from the other, Atsumu let out a choked whine. 

"-right" 

'Wow, this is fun. I finally understand Akaashi and Kenmas behavior'

"A-.. I said alright. I-.. I guess I'll see you on-", Atsumu paused, mustering Sakusa, taking a small intake of air and pointing behind himself to the door with his thumb,"-sunday" 

The second the beige coat was out the door and out of his field of vision, Sakusa dropped to his knees, clutching the counter and sighing so loud, it turned into a growl halfway through.

"That was SO HARD I THINK I LOST TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE", he yelled while yanking himself up by the counter, back to his feet. In the process he knocked over a plastic cup. It landed on the shops floor with a 'clac'.

"Oh no- he fell", Sakusa said in a monotone voice, glancing down at the cup and pointing to it. 

"Dude, are you okay?", Iwaizumi piped in from behind him. 

"No" 

___________________

"How do I look?" 

After Atsumu had asked Kenma the same question for the 20th time, he groaned even louder than all the 19 times before.

"You look sexy, alright, god", he glanced up to meet Atsumus stare on him in the mirror, but went right back to the Nintendo 3DS in his hands, ignoring the way Atsumu expected him to keep going.

"Now don't ask again. My villagers need help, I need to plant flowers, blue ones. They are hard to get by, you know", Kenma mumbled. 

Atsumu wasn't quite sure about his outfit. It was almost time for Sakusa to arrive and he thought he didn't look presentable at all. His hair wasn't quite right, his white T-shirt made him look plain. He just wanted to look good for Sakusa. 

"Kenma, are you lying to me so I leave you alone?", He asked, turning to face Kenma instead of the full length mirror of his walk-in wardrobe, ignoring all the new outfit ideas he suddenly had.

"What makes you think that?"

Kenma met his glare and smirked a little, pointing to the mirror. "Your butt looks great so just tuck the shirt in and go open the door, you dildo" 

"He's not even here yet why should I-" the blonde was interrupted as the doorbell rang. 

"What kinda witch are you? Honestly, it's scary..", Atsumu said while stepping out of his wardrobe and jogging to the door. He slid his hand through his hair, adjusted his pants and put on a smile. When he opened the door, he was greeted by Sakusa looking really good. He was wearing all black again and held a small bouquet of peonies. What grabbed Atsumus attention even more though was the strip of skin of Sakusas torso that he caught a glimpse of. He was wearing a crop top and Atsumu could not stop himself from smiling wide; it almost hurt.

"Hey Sakusa.." 

"Omi-kun", he coughed, cheeks red,"Please call me Omi-kun.." 

Sakusa smiled weakly, obviously very nervous about everything, and handed Atsumu the flowers he had picked up on his way there. They were a beautiful, vibrant lavender and pink, and made Atsumu smile even more as he took them, holding them to his face and closing his eyes in the process to smell the flowers. The scent of spring in his nose made him sneeze. 

"GESUNDHEIT!"

"THANK YOU SHOUYOU- Please, come in, Omi-kun", Atsumu stepped aside and let the stunned black haired man enter, pushing him inside with a hand on the small of his back. Sakusa shook off his shoes with his feet, looking around.

"Welcome in my home this time for real..", Atsumu murmured, too caught up in admiring his delightful gift.

"I like it a lot better without puke on the floor..", Sakusa breathed out, turning about himself, making sure he didn't miss any detail.

"Uh, Kenma and Hinata are here, I hope you don't mind. Hinata was keen on playing just dance with me again for a bit so just sit down on the couch with Kenma. Do you want something to drink?" 

"Ah, that's fine. And, uh, just water is okay"

Atsumu lead the way to the living room with Sakusa following after him like a duckling. Hinata was already dancing alone to some weird song Sakusa had never listened to out of his own will and Kenma was seated on the couch, tangled up like a cat with his Nintendo up in his face

"Shouyou, don't forget to put the band around your wrist, but not too tight this time..", Kenma mumbled, without even so much as looking at Hinata. The latter was fumbling with the controller until he got it secured around his wrist. Atsumu rummaged through the cupboards in the kitchen and yelled. 

"Kenma, where did you put the scissors again? I need them" 

Sakusa watched Kenma stand up and pull a pair of scissors out of his hoodie and walk to the kitchen as he sat down. He turned his attention to Hinata, who was dancing to a song from Ariana Grande. 

Kenma held the pair of scissors to Atsumu, without looking up from his 3DS, ignoring his piercing gaze. 

"Why did you have them again? They are never here- in the kitchen where they belong- when I need them!", he complained while cutting off the ends of the flowers to keep them alive and blooming for a longer amount of time. He filled water into a blue, curvy vase and put all the flowers inside, one after the other in order not to squash them together. They were fragile and smelled nice. Reminded him of himself. 'Maybe', he thought,'Sakusa thought of me when he bought them?' Atsumu smiled to himself, turning the vase to see the flowers from all angles. Under Kenmas now watchful eye he took a glass from the cupboard and walked to the fridge to get water. 

"So?"

"Hinata was being silly and hurt himself with the Wii controller band so I cut it off and forgot them in my hoodie" 

Kenma met Atsumus eyes, saw how Atsumu stopped his movements of pouring the water in the glass, reading the light shock in his eyes and reassuring him immediately and shaking his head the tiniest bit. 

"He's fine, don't worry. I put a cute band-aid on and kissed it better. He's dancing again, anyway. He recovers fast" 

"Wish I would recover that fast"

"Honestly same. But you know what they say", Kenma grinned," if you can't be them- date them" 

Atsumu breathed out and nodded. He poured the glass and walked back into the living room only to see Sakusa trying to play just dance with Hinata. It was truly a sight to behold. Sakusa wasn't one of the people born with rhythm in their blood, but wasn't one of them who were able to learn that rhythm, like Hinata did. No, Sakusa was moving as ungracefully as a trashbag in the wind, with a concentrated, almost curious look on his face. He wasn't uncomfortable, no one ever really was for long in Hinatas presence. 

Kenma bumped into Atsumu and shook his head in surprise, gaining his footing back. He leaned to the side, following Atsumus eyes to where Hinata and Sakusa were dancing together. Without being able to control it, the corners of Kenmas mouth turned up. 

"Wherever he goes, he makes friends. It's amazing. We could strand him on a lonely island and he'd make friends with the animals there and probably even learn their language, too" 

"Ah, yes. God, I love him so much. You have no idea how much fun it is to watch him come apart underneath me and babble about in 4 languages. His German is getting better and he keeps saying- uhm.. what was it again? 'Wa- Wo-..", he broke off, rubbing his temple, while sighing a little. Atsumu smiled bright.

"Shouyou, what do you say when I go too fast?" 

"Ah, you mean 'para' or 'warte'?", Hinata asked, turning his head for a second while dancing. He was winning by far and he wasn't even trying. Sakusa to his left was just trying to get the arm movement right, at this point. 

Kenmas eyes lit up. "'Warte'!! That's what it was, right!" 

But Atsumu was only listening half-heartedly, too caught up in watching Sakusa try to keep up with the movements of the game. He was swooning, he knew that by now, but he also wasn't going to stop now. He placed the vase on the small glass table of the living room next to the glass of water for Sakusa, and sat down on the soft couch with an 'oof'. 

When the song ended, Sakusa had gotten one star, Hinata had gotten all of them. Hinata did a little victory dance of his own and practically jumped on Kenmas lap. 

"Look, Kenma, I got all five!!", he announced excitedly. Kenma closed his 3DS and gave him a little peck on the lips and mumbled a: "Good job, Shouyou.." his a soft smile. 

Atsumu shook his head, smiling and turning his head to watch sakusa. When he turned around, Sakusa jumped up, a yelp stick in his throat, because he hadn't noticed Kenma and Atsumu re-entering the living room or Hinatas attack on Kenma. 

"Don't do that!", he exclaimed, holding his hand to his heart. 

"I'm not allowed to sit in my own home?", Atsumu was grinning now, one eyebrow arched up. He patted the free space next to him and saw Sakusa reculantly step forward only to take another step back. "Can I wash my hands?", he asked. 

"Uh-Yeah ofc! I'm so sorry, I'll show you the guest bathroom!" 

__________________

After washing his hands for about four minutes, Sakusa felt a little more at ease. There was an event that had happened at a young age in his life causing his fear of bacteria. He had gone through therapy and it did get better; but that didn't stay for long. With his start of university, his fear came creeping up to him again, if only lights compared to his time in highschool. It's not as bad as it was in high school. 

In the blink of an eye, without the four of them noticing a thing, because they were too caught up in dancing and getting to know each other, the sun was setting on the horizon. Only when the warm rays of the sun lay directly on Atsumus eyes, dipping them a lovely, rich honey color, did he notice that soon Sakusa would tell him he had to leave.

But Sakusa watched Atsumu silently, smiling to himself, wishing he wouldn't tell him he had to leave anytime soon. Sakusa felt comfortable, far more than he would have expected himself. Even though the house was big, it still felt homely, cozy and warm. It was everything he didn't even know he was looking for and beyond.

"It's getting dark.. When did you plan on leaving? I'd love if you'd- st-stay for dinner", stuttered Atsumu, scratching his ear nervously. He didn't want this to end yet. Sakusa smiled bright, he was confident. Now that he wasn't the one stumbling over his words and saw Atsumu blushing quite a bit, he was glad. Glad to have made and idiot of himself, to be there. Glad to have met him. 

"I'd like that, too", he mumbled smiling, eyes searching Atsumus features. 

___________________

"So.. tell me about yourself, Atsumu", Sakusa whispered into the smaller ones neck. After Kenma shushed Hinata into the kitchen with him to give Sakusa and Atsumu a bit of alone time, the two of them went out and sat down on the comfortable cushions of the lying surface on the balcony. Quietly, no words exchanged, they cuddled up together, a silent agreement that it was alright to touch and be close. 

"Oh uh.. I don't really know what to, uh, say to that, really. No one ever really tried to listen to me aside from Kenma..", he said, avoiding eye contact while the cold breeze licked at his skin. Sakusa wrapped the fluffy blanket around his hand and rubbed it against Atsumus cheek.

"No one..?", Sakusa frowned, leaning back. 

"Hey, don't do that…", Atsumu chuckled, poking and pushing at the others eyebrow wrinkles, but Sakusa only tilted Atsumus head up, so he could face him better.

"But you're- important, you know. Everyone should go quiet when you talk, they should all listen. I can't believe people would ignore your beautiful voice..", he trailed off, his eyes wandering before he took his hand back quickly. Atsumu was a blushing mess, breathing a little weird. All of this, the soft caress and gentleness in touch was new to him and, especially from Sakusa, it was heightened to almost three times as much as it would normally be. 

"Will you listen..?", He asked hesitantly. Sakusa didn't lose any time, nodding his head. "Yeah, always" 

"Well, where do I start? It started in middle school, but now that I think about it, I might always have been different from the others. I dressed the way I wanted, I said what was on my mind I was just.. you know, real. Kenma explained it to me afterwards, he said I just didn't feel the embarrassment others felt going into puberty and they shamed me for it..", Atsumu trailed off. But Sakusa was still listening, not tearing his eyes away from Atsumu, so he continued. 

"They used to poor milk on my head, said that my dark hair was unusual and weird. I had black hair, just like yours", Atsumu was reaching out slowly, curling one of Sakusas locks around his finger. When Sakusa winced softly, making a face, Atsumu smiled and let go, brushing his hair behind his ear. 

"That was the first time I dyed my hair. I thought maybe they would leave me alone if I did what they wanted. They pretended to be nice to me, made me do things, only to make fun of me afterwards again. I started building up my walls. My first boyfriend broke them down. He was loving at first but after I had sex with him for the first time, I could tell that he didn't care for me. He had… done bad things to me and so did the one after him and the one after that. I don't know if you would really call it that, but Kenma said it was mental abuse and domestic violence..", again, he trailed off, looking for any indication of disgust or confusion in Sakusas eyes, but there were none. His eyes were understanding and made Atsumus own ones water. 

"I was at an absolute low in my life and that's when I met Kenma. He was honest with me and helped me see others intentions. He often told me I'm too nice and too pure. We quickly became friends and honestly? I think I might have ended it all if it wasn't for Kenma. I owe him everything I have. He's a great friend and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world", he sniffed, wiping a single tear away. Sakusa only watched, not pitying but proud that Atsumu had made it through and happy that he had someone like Kenma by his side. Before he could say anything more, Atsumu had recovered and smiled at Sakusa, his lips curling up in a suggestive manner. 

"You're now at Friendship level 2, no one has even been there except Kenma, congratulations, but I think it's your turn now?", He chewed his lip. He wanted to know everything about Sakusa, but at the same time he didn't want to pressure him into telling him his childhood trauma, because, let's be honest, everyone has had one of those. He watched Sakusa ponder and his forehead forming wrinkles. Again, he pushed them flat and grinned when Sakusa threw him an annoyed, but fond look. 

"Don't- act differently towards me when I finish my story okay? I couldn't live with it if you did", Sakusa started, watching Atsumus expression change to a more serious one. He pressed the taller man to his chest, placing a gentle kiss to his soft mop of hair. 

"I'll listen and I know better than to judge.. I'm also not taking any chances, I like you too much.." 

Sakusa blushed, cuddling closer. He was warm, felt safe and protected against the cool breeze. He had nothing to lose. Atsumu just poured his heart out to him, there was no reason to lie to him. No, on the contrary, Sakusa had called himself here in hopes to get to know Atsumu better, so it would only be silly not to share. He yanked on a lock of his hair slowly.

"It started in Middle school..-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice feedback, it always makes me really happy 💕💕 
> 
> Please keep commenting, it keeps me motivated to keep writing!!


	6. Vulnerable and Spicy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sakusa backstory you've been waiting for and some spicy stuff (Atsumu is a cheeky little shit and regrets it lmao what a fucking idiot)+ KenHina still just being adorable here and there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added an Illustration that I drew of Sakusa, so don't be surprised!! I drew this last month when it was only a headcanon and now its a fic. Wow. This is also the first time I ever really wrote any smut at all, so please be patient with me. I might get better. Maybe. No promises.

"It started in middle school. I had no friends, but I was okay with that, I liked having my own safe space. No one bothered me as long as I kept to myself, at least that's what I had hoped. It was on a very stormy day in one of the lunch breaks. It was raining hard and the grass was slippery. Without warning, the other guys pushed me into a..", he had to pause, remembering the feeling, like it had been yesterday.

"Into a what..?", asked Atsumu quietly, playing with his fingers. Sakusa shuddered.

"Into a mud puddle. It was raining so bad, I was drenched to the core and I felt the mud all over my body. It was on my torso, my hands, my face my- everywhere. It was everywhere. They called me disgusting. They-they threw even more mud on me, rubbed it in my hair and in my face- it was in my mouth..", with every word that left his lips, he grew more uncomfortable, because the more he explained how he had felt, the feeling came back to him with scary accuracy. But it was also relieving, getting this off his chest to someone else besides his old therapist and then Sakusa just let go. 

"Atsumu- Tsumu it was so disgusting, I felt so- so disgusting and icky", he cried into Atsumus chest. "It had felt like the mud came through to my bones and settled there and I couldn't, say or do anything, it was all over my face. I felt so dirty and I could only cry and bear it..", he tugged his hair lightly, but let go as soon as Atsumu pressed his nose into Sakusas cheek. "Please don't cry, it's okay. All of this is over now and you're here with me and you're fine", was what me mumbled. When he felt Sakusa tense and short after relax again, he was certain he was doing it right, whatever he was doing. After some deep breaths, Sakusa continued, though he was still a little shaken.

"After that, I got really sick and was told that my immune system isn't the best and the bacteria from the dirt and the bullying put a dent in my mental health and made me go sick. I was out for a few weeks and in that time my dog died. I know that it wasn't because of germs or anything, but I still have this connection in my head that germs means my dog died and I can't cut that off. I got scared of germs and made everything to not get sick ever again; wearing masks, using too much disinfect, washing my hands way too much. During high school I went to therapy and I was almost fully okay with germs, but I would get relapses once in a while. I'm mostly fine with touching now, but I don't particularly like it in general. There was a time where I used to flinch at every movement around me and it was stupid, because my fear was that random people would rub dirt or germs in my face and that's- that's ridiculous. As of right now, I'm fine with washing my hands and taking long showers. The only people I'm okay with really touching, like holding hands and stuff, are Komori and Akaashi. Oikawa is okay as well. And Yaku is fine, too, I guess, but otherwise I don't like it. Well, you're an exception, too", Sakusa explained. As he did so, it clicked in Atsumus head.

"But then why did Keiji not wash you up when you fell into the vomit puddle? He told me it was fine if it was me, but at that point I had only seen you in the shop. You were really cute the first time we met, too..", Atsumu mumbled the last part and biting his lips at the memory.

Sakusa pressed his face into Atsumus chest and groaned loudly, shaking his head.

"I wasn't-", he stilled his head, sighing a bit before looking up at Atsumu. His hair was being carried by the wind and he was as red as a tomato. He was pouting.

"I uhm- Well, you already know that I'm a fan, but I was a fan then, too. So when you walked in and talked to me in that damned silky and sweet honey voice of yours that I hate, I", got a boner,"... was very surprised and taken aback..", Sakusa said, looking everywhere but Atsumu. When the other started grinning like an idiot, Sakusa was about to explode from blushing so hard, fearing his head might explode from too much heat.

Atsumu leaned in, their bodies flush against each other and whispered in a hoarse, breathy tone.

"So you like my voice, hmm, Kiyoomi..?"

And Sakusa never got so hard so fast in his entire life, not even before when watching Atsumus videos, because now he had the real thing runt in his ear, breathing against it. He might have Asked Atsumu to call him 'Omi-kun', but hearing his name like this was even better. The blonde felt Sakusa against his leg, warm and stiff. None of them said a word for a solid 7 seconds and they lasted way too long.

"I- u-uhm.. take that as a yes, then?"

Sakusa whimpered quietly, burying his face in Atsumu yet again, clutching on his shirt, knuckles whitening and fists shaking from force.

"Just kill me already-"

Atsumu was enjoying this immensely, pressing his lips to the taller man's ear, while brushing his hair to the side, gentle movements making Sakusa squirm and moan the slightest bit.

"Did that happen before, Kiyoomi? Tell, me.. do you always get excited like this when I talk..?", Atsumu hummed against his ear, taking an experimental lick, saliva making lewd sounds directly against his ear where he heard them clear as day. Sakusa cried out, breathing hard.

"A-.. Atsumu.. your lips are- so warm", he mewled, squeezing his eyes shut, eyebrows furrowed, overwhelmed at the sudden heat. He didn't want to start babbling again, he was aware that he does it when he's not in control of his emotions and actions. It was too much. It was all he wanted, but he couldn't take it right now. He pushed Atsumu away from him, watching him red cheeked, hiccuping in an attempt to take a big intake of air. He blew a strand out of his face, flicking his hair in an attempt to look displeased, when he clearly wasn't. It didn't work out for Sakusa.

"S-Stop..!", he yelped, his voice quivering, eyes searching Atsumus red, content face. It was almost smug. Almost.

'That's not how it's supposed to be! I'm the top, you're the bottom!! I need to get this right, damnit'

"Mmh, alright", Atsumu grinned, pressing a chaste kiss to Sakusas cheek, sitting up straight and taking a little distance. Did he take advantage of the fact that Sakusa is okay with touching? Perhaps he is, but can you blame him? Me neither. The inky haired man almost wished to press himself against Atsumu again, to make a mess of him, have him panting, grunting beneath him.

But they were interrupted by Hinata and Kenma, both crouching down, looking at the two men through the glass of the balcony door. Sakusa flinched, jumping up on Atsumu in shock, who in return wrapped his arms around Sakusa, purring satisfied. When he saw it was only the other boys opening the sliding door, waving at him, Sakusa sighed in relief.

"God, don't scare me like that..", he said, standing up, his erection gone, leaving a pouting Atsumu with spread arms in the cushions. He smoothed out his pants and hair.

'Oh, fuck no, did they see it?'

"Foods ready, so stop making out and come eat with us", Kenma said in his monotone voice, standing up and patting Hinatas hair.

'Great'

"We'll be right there, thank you for cooking", Sakusa said in a huff, as Hinata and Kenma strotted back into the kitchen, hand in hand. Atsumus eyes were glued on Sakusas frame, memorizing his body with every curve and line he had, every of hair on his body. When Sakusa turned his eyes to where Atsumu was still leaning in their little fort of blankets, he held out his hand to him, earning himself a warm smile as well as a soft hand in his own, squeezing once.

"Come, let's eat, Tsumu.."

____________________

The four of them sat together at the dining table, eating what Hinata had cooked for them with the help of Kenma, even if he just cut up the bell pepper. They were talking about their majors and their jobs when suddenly Sakusas alarm rang. He took his phone out of his pocket.

'TsumTsum'  
9:50pm

He quickly turned it off and placed it on the table. When he reached for his class of water, he caught a glimpse of the mischievous glint in Kenmas eyes. Before Sakusa could stop him, he opened his mouth.

"Ah, yeah, that's right! It's almost time for your show, Tsumu. Will you be making one today?", he asked, leaning his head on his palm and his elbow on the table. His other hand was holding Hinatas on his thigh.

Atsumu didn't even notice that the alarm on Sakusas phone was set for his show, instead Atsumu stared on his empty plate, pondering, wondering if it was such a good idea, especially with Sakusa here. He didn't want him to leave yet or to throw him out just because he would make a show again after such a long time. Maybe he could stay over again, so they could cuddle. That would be awesome.

"Uhm. Yeah. I need to prepare some stuff, though. Saku-... Omi-kun, would you be so kind to help me set up?", asked Atsumu softly, scared he might be rejected. But he remembered Sakusas words and smiled at him. No, now wasn't the time to fret.

Sakusa spasmed and hit the table with his knee, wincing at the feeling, but nodding his head with a pained expression, leaning forward in pain. "Y-Yeah I can do that. Will you guys be fine with washing up?", Sakusa asked, with half open eyes and an apologetic look to Hinata, but the orange head just smiled.

"It's fine, I'll do it! K-Kein pro- po.. Kein Problem!", Hinata said not to worry and that's it's no big deal in German, giving a thumbs up. Kenma gave him a big, loving kiss. Kenma was very proud of him. Hinata was giggling while standing up and taking everyone's plates. Kenma slapped his ass with a grin, biting his lip when Hinata almost fell over, clutching the plates in order not to drop them. Hinata let out a tiny whine, a sigh and kept walking to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

Atsumu rolled his eyes at Kenma, who only continued grinning, while the blonde got up.

"Come on, Omi-kun, it's this way"

He lead the way to his show room, opening the door and stepping in, Sakusa next to him. He closed and locked the door and walked to the bathroom in thought.

"Hey, Omi-kun, what should I do today? Last time I used vibrators, but I feel like a dildo today.. or maybe a vibrating one?"

He left the bathroom door open, peeling himself out of his clothes and stepping into the shower. Sakusa felt like an absolute pervert for watching him the whole time, for walking to the door frame and just standing there, watching Atsumu shower. He wanted to look away, he really did, but he just couldn't.

Atsumu was facing the wall in his glass shower, washing his face, hair and body. When he spoke up, Sakusa jumped to the side, leaning against the wall, his face toward the room and not the shower.

"Would you like to choose a toy for me?"

Sakusa was slowly hardening again, his imagination going crazy, chewing on his bottom lip. He grabbed his hair and tugged it gently. Would he ever get this chance again? He had no idea, so he might as well just take the lemos that were given to him.

'Relax. It's fine, this is fine'

"Where are they?", he asked shakily.

"Omi-kun, are you there?"

Of course he couldn't hear Sakusa mumble, while he was in the shower. Sakusa sighed and stood himself back into the door frame, facing the wood of it awkwardly.

"Yes, I can do that! Where are they?", Sakusa questioned again, this time louder so the other would hear him. Atsumu turned to look at him, the glass steamed up and covering most of him, to Sakusas relief. He smiled, waving a little, what made Sakusa look at him again.

'Jesus Christ'

He knew exactly what he was doing and it was irresistibly hot.

"They're in a box in my closet! Just pick, like, three and an accessory. Something you think would look good in..", he trailed off, preparing himself with his fingers," I mean, on me..ngh"

Sakusas head was spinning. Of course he had seen most of this before. He was already familiar with Atsumus hole, his ass and stomach, his mouth. This was a whole different story, though. He had been alone in his room, quietly jerking off. Now he was with Atsumu when he held a show.

Sakusa rushed to the closet, sliding the door open, taking off the lid of the box and gasping. There were so many toys. All the colors of the rainbow smiled into his face, blinding him a little and making him put his hands up in defense.

Cock rings, vibrators, dildos, anal beads, flashlights, gags, butt plugs, handcuffs, whips, a lot of leather, collars with leashes, nipple stimulators and tons and tons of lube bottles.

The box was surprisingly tidy and organized, the toys all looked squeaky clean, another relief for Sakusa, even if he didn't expect any less.

Sakusa felt himself twitch in his pants and grabbed a few things from the box. He was contemplating quite a bit, trying to ignore the sounds Atsumu made in the shower, because he was opening his hole up for the show. Sakusa knew that, because Atsumu often did dirty talk about that in his live shows.

He placed a butt plug, a collar with a leash, a prostate stimulating dildo (which he knew it was because Atsumu had used it before) and a bottle of lubrication on the bed and stood there, tent in his pants, waiting for what would happen next. Atsumu stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He, too, was a little hard and smiled, walking over to Sakusa and looking at what he chose.

"Oh, I see then.. Can you hand me the plug? I need it", he dried off his hair with a second towel, like the time before when Sakusa had passed out. He felt like he would pass out again, grabbed the glass plug again and held it out to Atsumu. He took it, their fingers brushed and he turned a little red, opening his mouth and breathing heavily.

"I'm all clean now..", he said, taking the plug into his mouth to wet it with saliva, letting it disappear behind his back and leaning his upper body towards Sakusa. "Is this okay..?", Atsumu whispered, holding on to Sakusas chest, looking up at him. Sakusa couldn't do anything but nod his head softly. Atsumu smiled, licked his lips and eased the plug into his ass, his face scrunching up in pleasure and pain, mouth forming an 'o'. Sakusa gasped, watching Atsumus every move and when the plug was all the way in, he stood up straight again, looking up to the slightly taller man.

"Very good…", Sakusa runted, his pupils expanded. He was slowly getting used to the hot feeling in his body, but he needed one thing before he could continue this. It had been the same reason why he broke off before, but he was confident Atsumu wouldn't deny him. Not because he was aroused, but because Sakusa felt the affection in all the other did for him and he hoped with all his heart that it was because of a mutual crush. Atsumu blushed hard at the genuine praise he wasn't used to getting like this, adjusted his stance and said, in a breathy voice: "T-Thank you, Kiyoomi"

Sakusa bit his lip again and brushed the blondes locks off his forehead. He pressed a tiny kiss on there and wandered with his hand to the back of Atsumus head, gently feeling the shaved, dark hair there. It made Atsumu purr and lean closer.

"Do you want me to help you out in your show, as well..?", he asked, his voice firm and throaty. Atsumu nodded his head strongly looking at him with pleading, eyes. He wasn't thinking straight, but even before he had wanted it. He was absolutely sure.

"Then I need one tiny thing from you, baby", Sakusa stepped closer, whispering into Atsumus ear, before giving it a chaste kiss, just like Atsumu had done to him when they were cuddled up on the balcony moments before.

"A-Ah.. Anything, Kiyoomi..", Atsumu whimpered, feeling his erection rub against Sakusas thigh and the plug shift inside of him.

"Please, be my boyfriend, Atsumu.."

"Can I kiss you…?", Atsumu pleaded, even while being this aroused, wanting to make sure it was still okay. Just because someone wanted you to be their boyfriend, you don't just kiss them without asking first. He didn't want to make Sakusa uncomfortable, even if it seemed Sakusa wanted his as much as he did.

"Yes, Tsumu-"

Before he could could finish, Atsumus warm lips were on his, kissing him enthusiastically. When he let go he whined and nodded his head, clutching to Sakusas shirt.

"Yes, yes I wanna be your boyfriend, I'll be your boyfriend..", he stammered, attacking Sakusa with his mouth again. Sakusa retorted with a moan, letting his hands wander to Atsumus butt, squeezing his firm ass cheeks.

"Ah, fuck.. I wanted to do this for so long, Tsumu, baby, you smell so good..", Sakusa licked at Atsumus ear. With everyone else, he would have felt disgusted and would wash his mouth out, but when it was Atsumu beneath him, moaning and enjoying his touches, Sakusa was proud and happy, so he kept going. As long as both of them feel good, he would keep going.

"You need to set up the Camera, right, baby? Come on, you can do it.. Show me how you do it", the Raven haired man said, trailing his fingers along the blondes navel down to the hem of the towel. Atsumu flinched, stealing one last kiss and hurrying to set up his camera. When everything was in place, Atsumu had calmed down a little and seated himself on his bed.

"Kiyoomi, can you do me a tiny favor?", He asked in his sickeningly sweet voice and Sakusa brushed the black locks out of his face before he answered.

"Yes, baby, anything..", he murmured, stepping closer and placing a kiss to Atsumus cheeks and then his mouth. He was already addicted to the feeling of these warm lips.

Atsumu, a bit kiss drunk, leaned over to his nightstand drawer and rummaged through it. When he found what he was looking for, he smiled and handed it to Sakusa.

"Put it on", he grinned, "It will look sexy on you"

When Sakusa looked at the object in his hands, he raised his eyebrows, looking from it to Atsumu.

"A mask? So I won't get recognized?", he put his hair into a tiny bun, slicking his locks back as best as he could and put on the black mask. Atsumu shivered, nodding in agreement.

"You look so good and no one will realize it's you", Atsumu smiled bright, starting the Camera," because you're all mine now"

And then the video started.

"Hey, everyone! I'm sorry for having been gone for so long, you all must be so pent up.. but I have a special someone here today that is gonna help me get off, so say hello to-", Atsumu looked up to Sakusa, who was blushing underneath the masquerade mask, and decided on a show name for him, "Aza"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell me how the spicy stuff was and how you liked it!! I'd love some feedback


	7. Warm lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First some more spice, then some fluff!!

The black masquerade mask covering Sakusas face had small ears at the top which made him look like a puma when he confidently snarled, showing his white teeth off like a wild animal hunting its prey. He stood behind Atsumu at the edge of the bed, placing his hands on the blondes shoulders, sliding them down his strong arms. It was him, Atsumu thought, sitting in only a towel on the bed, he was his prey. Atsumu jumped a little, goosebumps spreading on his skin like a wildfire and biting his lips, because he knew; he knew he was Sakusas prey. 

In that moment, he didn't care much about his viewers or anyone besides Sakusa, for that matter. He put on his stage persona and started talking in an even sweeter voice, than in any of his previous videos.

"Aza is taking the lead today, so get ready..", Atsumu purred, spreading his legs to put his half erection on display, begging to be touched. He trusted Sakusa would know what he is doing, no doubt in his mind.

Sakusa leaned in and bit Atsumus earlobe gently, whispering into his ear for only them to hear. 

"Are you really sure this is okay, Tsumu..?" 

He knew Sakusa would be careful with him and having him ask for permission made the blondes cock grow harder with the affection and consent he felt from it. It was new and made his heart swell, his brain release dopamine. He liked consent, consent was sexy. He doesn't understand why he never asked for it before. Maybe because he was scared. 

Atsumu replied with a short nod, even if he wanted nothing more than to just kiss him and have himself be pounded into the mattress without the camera going; or maybe he did but then it would be for just the two of them. Atsumu knew Sakusa had clear boundaries, but if he acted on his own account, was ready to touch Atsumu, he felt at ease and wouldn't oppose that. But he didn't want to rush things, even more so on camera for everyone to see. Many people.

He and his stage persona were one thing, adding Sakusa to that equation was fun, but it wasn't their intimate thing, this was for show, just a show. It had nothing to with them. 

He liked Sakusa a lot. They just became boyfriends and Sakusa had shown him moments before that he wasn't ready for much more. He wanted to take it slow, but he couldn't stop himself from having Sakusa help him out with the show when he clearly seemed into it. So when Atsumu nodded and the hands on his body started to wander all over, he let it happen and let himself drown in the gentle, loving feeling, growing addicted to it in no time at all.

Atsumu locked eyes with the camera and only half-heartedly noticed Sakusa grabbing the tiny, purple bottle of lube when he heard the familiar squeezing sound. He reflexively opened up his legs even wider, hiking one leg up for easier access. 

Sakusas hands were very needy, not only in their movement on Atsumus skin, but also in what he grabbed. He grabbed the pecs, the nipples and his hips and everywhere else he could possibly reach. Atsumu wanted to tell him how cute his 'grabby hands' were, but was distracted by the wetness next to his entrance from Sakusas hand. He felt Sakusas breath on his neck, one hand removing the plug slowly, while the other pulled away the towel all the way.

With his pink erection flush against his stomach and the glass butt plug out of him, abandoned to somewhere on the bed, he moaned. He hadn't done this in a few weeks and forgot how much he craved it. Knowing that it was Sakusa panting behind him as he grabbed what seemed to be the collar and leash by the sound of it, Atsumu whined loudly. 

"Aza, fill me up.. I need it" 

The way Sakusa swallowed his own spit was audible to the blonde. Without being able to control it, he smiled, liking the effect he had on Sakusa. Then he felt a different sensation around his neck before Sakusa whispered to him.

"Be patient, brat" 

Atsumus breath hitched, dick twitching, not because the collar was tightening around his neck too much, Sakusa was really being very mind- and careful about that, but because the words that were for him, and only him, made him hot all over. 

'Brat? Oh-' 

It was a new feeling, having to wait for someone else's touch. All he ever remembered was rushed, rough groping and as soon as the other person was done, he would be left behind; used and uncertain. He had overcome that to a certain point, but it still left scars, that weren't likely to heal. 

He felt different now, he felt cared for. The way Sakusa pulled the leash for Atsumu to face him, to see his eyes through the mask made Atsumu bite his lips. They were hungry, longing. It was good, maybe even more than that, Atsumu couldn't quite place it.

It was when Sakusa prepped the dildo in his hands, the leash hanging down limply against Atsumus chest, that he went back in reality. This was really happening and Sakusa was gonna put a dildo up his ass and it's gonna be amazing. 

Oh boy, was he wrong. He was so utterly wrong, because as soon as so much as the tip of the dildo was inside of him, he started moaning louder than ever before. Atsumu felt the taller man flinch behind him and couldn't blame his hands stopping for a split because he was surprised as well. Atsumu was hot, live for dozens of people to see and had his crush- his boyfriend- push a dildo inside him and he was so embarrassed; and somehow, what made it even worse. He enjoyed being at Sakusas mercy, he really did but all at once was too much. So much.

But he didn't want it to stop, because at the same time, it felt good. 

'I'm sure I'll get used to it. This never happened before..', he thought panicking only a tiny bit.

He looked down and saw Sakusas hand gripping the end of the dildo which was all the way inside of him. Atsumu panted, squeezing down on the dildo and crying out when Sakusa started rocking it as gently as he could muster. Sakusa kissed his neck softly in an attempt to calm him down, having noticed that Atsumu was a little shocked before, and it worked to the point that it made the hot feeling more intense.

'He cares about me. He cares about me!'

Atsumus toes curled and he bit his cheek trying to stay silent, but in vain. He was trembling, breathing rapidly, flexing his abs. Sakusas touch was spreading on his skin like a fire.

"F-Fuck… K-... Aza! Fuck, shit!" 

Sakusa stopped his hands for a short second, letting Atsumu relax and gasp for air. Saliva was running down his chin, his eyes were teary. The Raven haired man tugged on the leash, forcing Atsumu to look at him once more and was grossed out by his own thoughts. He wanted to lick him up and bite him and devour him wholly, but he settled for saying something else; he was sure Atsumu couldn't take much more. 

"You look so beautiful… Can you come for me, baby? Can you do that for me?", he questioned in a raspy, low voice. "But don't look at them, look at me, yeah?", yet again he was quiet so Atsumu would be the only one to catch the words.

Atsumu started sobbing and moaning out, squirming in retortion Sakusas words. His cheeks and ears and chest, even his neck were flush, just like his dick. He felt his pre cum stick to his stomach and as he grabbed himself, giving his cock a few firm pumps as he was screaming out, looking into Sakusas dark eyes as he did so. 

"Cum-Cumming.. I-Ahh- I'm cumming!! Fuck!"

Atsumu closed his eyes as he came, eyebrows furrowed, groaning out louder than he thought he could. He spilled on his torso, shaking from overstimulation and wiggling away from Sakusas hands while he gasped for air desperatly. The taller one got the message and, as slowly as possible, slipped the dildo out of the blonde. 

"Good boy..", Sakusa whispered to him, " Such a good, handsome boy.. You did so good, baby"

Whining louldy, Atsumu threw his head back, his chest heaving. 

"God, fuck..", he moaned. 

Sakusa moved to turn off the camera and shut everything down. As soon as he was sure everything was out of power, he ripped off his mask, walked to stand in front of Atsumu and gave him a deep, passionate kiss, hands at his sides. Atsumu, still gasping made a noise of suffocation but kissed him back just as eagerly after a short moment of hiccuping for a little air.

"God fucking fuck you are so fucking sexy and beautiful and I just-", he stopped to kiss Atsumu again and again, not taking his lips off all the way,"- have to kiss you now but I also need to wash my hands so I won't touch you but- hng" 

Atsumu couldn't help but giggle at Sakusas lips, kissing him and pulling away to smile up at him. 

"Wanna take a bath? With me?" 

Sakusa hesitated slightly, so Atsumu added:"After you shower? You don't have to, though, no pressure..." 

Sakusa closed his eyes, leaning his forehead to Atsumus who was watching him expectantly. When he didn't get an answer, he started prepping Sakusas face with kisses, chuckling when a big smile spread on his boyfriends face. 

"Put out clothes for me?", Sakusa smiled, pressing one last kiss to Atsumus lips before strotting to the bathroom with a skip in his step.

"Of course, baby", Atsumu grinned. "What was that all about? I've never heard you talk so much in, like, ever.." 

His grin widened when the shy part of Sakusa re-emerged, easing the hair tie out and swirling a lock around his finger. He pursed his lips then bit them, what didn't look quite as aesthetically pleasing, but did the job of keeping him from smiling, at least a tiny bit.

"And you came really fast, now get me a towel so I can strangle you" 

Atsumu gasped. 

"I did not!!", he scoffed, unable to believe his own boyfriend had just said that to his face. He had to laugh when Sakusa began grinning, looking exactly like an evil ferret. 

"Yeah you did, but it was because of me, so it's fine. Now get yourself cleaned up, puppy", he walked back to Atsumu to tug on the leash and give him a teasing little kiss. He then turned around and didn't bother closing the bathroom door behind him, just like Atsumu had moments before and took off his clothes. 

Atsumu flopped back on his bed, whining. 

'Oh, damn. I do whine' , He understood the puppy part now. 

"But I'm sticky!!", he whimpered once more, pouting. 

Sakusa reappeared in the door frame, shirtless and quite the view. 

When Sakusa had slipped on the puddle of vomit and Atsumu had showered him, the blonde tried to not look at his naked frame as best as he could out of respect. Now there he was, in all his glory. His whole body was covered in moles, Atsumu was sure he could count them like stars. 

Atsumu held himself up on his elbows and waited for Sakusa to speak up, quirking his eyebrows up, expectant.

"Is- … Is me calling you 'baby' alright? If you don't want me to I can just- you know-", he gestured with his hands nervously, grabbing at his hair in the process.

Atsumu heaved himself up, towel he was sitting on long forgotten as he walked over and grabbed Sakusas face (with his non-sticky hand) and kissed him softly. Sakusa sighed into Atsumus mouth, content and still half hard in his pants. 

"You can keep calling me baby and good boy.. I like that a lot. Actually, I like you a lot and I'm- yeah I came fast and it was because of you because- ah. Where did you learn that? It felt- really amazing…" 

"Guess I'm just a natural then", Sakusa grinned, swelling with pride at making Atsumu feel good. 

"Maybe I'll strangle you first with that towel" 

"Try me, baby" 

Both, smiling like idiots went and did their things. Sakusa used the shower to clean himself up properly, using Atsumus cinnamon shampoo and Vanilla body wash. Smelling Atsumu all around himself and then remembering what had just occurred had him cum in the shower in seconds, moaning as quietly as humanly possible. Atsumu was cleaning the sex toys, packing away the camera, changing his sheets; his normal routine. But now there was a person jerking off in his shower. Not just anyone, but his boyfriend. He still couldn't believe it. 

Now to not fuck it up somehow...

___________________ 

After Atsumu took a second shower upon Sakusas request, which he would have taken anyway, they sat together in Atsumus big bathtub, in one of the other, bigger bathrooms. Both of their lips were a bit red and flush from brushing their teeth together. Sakusa got surprisingly dirty when brushing his biters, while Atsumu kept most of the paste in his mouth. Atsumu gave Sakusa a new, green toothbrush that is now rested in his brown mug on the sink, right next to Atsumus orange one. 

It was quiet and relaxed, a comfortable quiet surrounding them. Sakusa was absentmindedly popping the rosé colored bubbles one after the other. He didn't notice Atsumu watching him with heart eyes, too engrossed in his bubble popping to even look up properly. When Atsumu spoke up, the other froze. 

"You're right, it was because of you", he said, looking at the water. "It's that- … No one ever touched me with such care and- and love. I wasn't used to it, I didn't think I would ever be touched like that. I'm sorry if that's lame or something I just-"

Atsumu stopped, watching how single tear drops felll and broke the water surface below him. Sakusa whipped his head up at him, knocking out water while he inched forward in the bathtub so he could face the blonde properlike. 

"It's not lame.. I actually really liked that you react so positively to my touches. For a second there you got really loud and I stopped but then I noticed you were enjoying it and kept going. I hope that was okay…", Sakusa placed his hand gently on Atsumus cheek and watched the corners of his lips turn upward. 

"O-Oh..", he laughed lopsidedly, it didn't sound quite right. "Well, I'm glad then. It's just so- unusual. I wanna believe you but I- can't somehow. I'm sorry.." 

Sakusa sighed through his nose. He mustered Atsumu for a bit and slowly wrapped his arms around his shoulders. 

"They really hurt you…" 

Atsumu didn't know how to answer that. 

"I can see you have scars. The kind of scars that don't show on your body, but those on your- your heart", he paused, looking for the right words. 

"But it's okay. I have them, too. I wanna mend your scars and even though I know I can't heal them, maybe I can make you forget about them, even if just for a short while. However long you want me to, I'll be- here. Right here", Sakusa said, voice soft, with his cheek pressed against Atsumus hair. When he felt Atsumus shoulders shake, he pouted.

"Don't cry please…" 

To his surprise, it was the contrary. Atsumu was laughing, tears running down his cheeks. 

"So you do write poems!", he giggled, wiping the tears away," you sounded so cute I'm- oh god!" 

Sakusa turned red and crossed his arms, frowning quite a bit. 

"I was trying to make you feel better! Why are you laughing?!" 

"No, no! I do feel better, I do! You were just so cute and it sounded so beautiful it made me so happy! Do you have more, by any chance?", his laughing stopped and transformed into a curious, big eyed look, his torso leaning forward. Sakusas shoulders relaxed, his voice growing tiny. 

"N-Not from the top of my head…", his mouth barely opened when he talked. "But I- I have this tiny book where I write down pretty Latin words or poems…" 

"Will you read it to me sometime?", Atsumu smiled, pressing his lips to the tallers shoulder. 

"Let me make new ones first… There's too many depressive ones", he said, now regretting it. 

'I wanna write one about your warm lips' 

"Oh, I don't mind them. I feel like I can get to know you better through your writing? Anything is fine, as long as you wrote it. And what's that with Latin?", Atsumu grinned, his interest piqued. 

"I major in Latin" 

"I thought you were majoring in Literature? Although you told me about- I think biology?- when you were extremely sleepy. You are so fucking cute when you're sleepy-", Atsumu was interrupted by Sakusas glare. The blonde held his pruney hands up, grinning like a complete idiot. "Don't blame me, you blabber on so much, it's a blessing- honestly" 

"Nooooo, no don't say that, please. I'm not cute, I never was and I never will be", Sakusa said, examining his fingertips in concentration. Atsumu raised his eyebrows. 

"Is that a challenge?" 

"What if it is?", Sakusa met the others eyes, smiling at his expression. Atsumu tried to look extremely cool, but it kinda didn't work when his hair was wet and flat against his forehead. Sakusa slapped his hand against Atsumus face and proceeded to wipe his hand upwards, now holding the hair back on the top of his head. Atsumu screwed his eyes shut, yelped, but laughed right after, making Sakusa smile fondly and play with the wet strands.

"Well, if it is then describe me with Latin", Atsumu grinned and pulled away from Sakusas hand on him. He look some of the bubbles and placed them on Sakusas head, while he was deep in thought. 

"Labia calidum… clarus… ecce homo… cecidi ad", Sakusa said, licking his lips and staring into Atsumus eyes. 

"Okay, so- That sounded really hot, but I feel like you called me a fag in Latin so please explain" 

Sakusa laughed a little, shaking his head. His locks were wet, but started drying in some areas, which were bouncy when he moved just the slightest bit. Atsumu liked watching Sakusas hair in different situations. His hair was especially pretty when floating in the water all by itself. 

"No. 'Labia calidum' means 'warm lips'. 'Clarus' is similar to 'clear', but I meant it as 'bright'. 'Ecce homo' means 'behold the man' and 'cecidi ad' means.. 'I fell for'. It's not a full sentence, though. If I'd put it in a sentence I'd say: Warm lips has the bright man I fell for, and that would be- uh- labia calidum clara est et cecidi in homine- or something like that.." 

Atsumu just watched Sakusa in awe and placed his fingers on his lips softly, as if to feel if they were as warm as Sakusa made them out to be. 

"That's beautiful.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about Latin so if anyone does and knows what I wrote there is absolute bs pls tell me!! I used Google translate very carefully and also made Sakusa say "or something like that" so it would be not so bad if it's wrong!! 
> 
> Like always I appreciate your kudos and comments (I go back and read them to get motivation) and I hope you liked it!! 
> 
> Find me on Twitter at @Tetsuu_art and come chat!!


	8. Three tops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a tiny bit of a conflict, Hinata is cute and Akaashi, Kenma and Sakusa bond

A few months of domestic loving and getting used to each other had passed. 

Sakusa had most of his things at Atsumus. He had half of his clothes in Atsumus closest and all of them they shared. Kenma would sit with them at the dinner table and see they had switched their wardrobe almost completely, only wanting to wear their lovers clothes. Sakusa had the blondes tight things on; turtlenecks, crop tops, shirts. Atsumu had Sakusas rather big things; wide dress shirts, oversized hoodies, jackets. Many different things were casually laying around the house as if there had always been an empty space for them to fill. Sakusas shoes in the entryway, the type of cereal he likes on the top shelf so only he could reach it and his Nintendo he rarely used in Kenmas game room. 

Sakusa was introduced to Hinatas best friend Tsukishima and his boyfriend Kuroo, who was also Bokutos best friend and of course Sakusa knew Akaashi, who, Sakusa had found out, was dating Bokuto. It was all a bit complicated. 

Sakusa had gotten a lot closer to Yaku, which got him closer to Terushima and Daishou, which he got to know because of weird shift trades, who were dating as well. Yaku told him about his crush on Kuroo, but since Kuroo was dating Tsukishima, Yaku gave up on that crush quickly and is now going on dates with Lev. They had a long nights conversation about Yakus dilemma, when their shifts were put together and work was long over for them. They sat in a diner at 1am just talking about everything and nothing at all. 

"You deserve more. Lev treats you like a literal princess and you definitely feel something for him", Sakusa had said, fiddling around with his straw. Yaku was reculantly hitting his head against the table. Sakusa placed a napkin under his hand and it down underneath Yakus head so he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Don't do that, it's dirty and it hurts", Sakusa scolded. With hir forehead pressed to Sakusas hand, Yaku shook his head and sipped on his milkshake, wiping his remaining tears away, that were shed because of oblivious Kuroo Tetsuro.

"It just hurts so much when I see him so fuckin' happy. He barely has time for me anymore. Daishou is also busy with Terushima and I- I feel alone. I enjoy the attention I get from Lev, but is that enough to start dating him? Our dates were, you know, really nice and all but I'm just so unsure. I don't wanna lead him on, but I-…", he trailed off, finishing his drink with loud slurping sounds.

"You like him" 

"How-", Yaku had gesticulated wildly, scoffing, "How do I know if I do?" 

"Look, I'm not good at this. I had this talk with Oikawa, go talk to him. For now, let's order some pancakes, yeah?" 

Yaku smiled a soft, very exhausted smile as he placed his head on his palm. "On you?" 

"You're crying, of course it's on me", Sakusa had said, taking out his wallet. 

Once Sakusa got into a relationship himself, he started noticing the couples all around him. Holding hands, kissing, gazing at one another, things he used to ignore, but now craved with Atsumu. With those relationships, came people who were in love but didn't have the guts to tell each other, like he had been himself. That counted in Asahi and Nishinoya, who were helplessly in love, but since Yaku had had a crush on Kuroo but Kuroo was in a relationship with Tsukki and Yaku had gotten sad and had needed time with Nishinoya, it lead to Asahi thinking Yaku and Nishinoya had something going on, which was, in fact, untrue. The complications go on and are all connected, somehow. But Sakusa was just there, pretty content with how things were for him, but also negatively surprised by how much he must've affected his friends and how they suffered, because of him. He knew, he's been there and is there now.

Then there were Ushijima and Tendou. Sakusa grew really fond of Tendou. He was fun and loud, unpredictable but also knew when enough was enough. Sakusa admittedly has had a crush on Ushijima for maybe two weeks when he freshly started out in this university, but seeing him together with Tendou made so much sense and Sakusa was happy the two of them were in a relationship. For Sakusa it was also refreshing to be surrounded by extroverts. He knew about the myth of extroverts going out and adopting introverted people as their friends, but it had been the first time it had really happened to him. He wasn't complaining by any means, expect he was. 

One day Tendou had dragged him to a concert were his friend, Semi Eita, had played with his band. It was only the two of them, Tendou and Sakusa, no boyfriends. They talked and sang, drank a bit. Sakusa had enjoyed most of it, had there not been any strangers, except for the band.

Contrary to his own beliefs, none of these people ever made fun of him or made him feel bad, in any kind of way. They were kind and open-minded, didn't judge him and he genuinely enjoyed their company, which was extremely new to him. Now he only wondered how he ever got by without their company in the first place. It was strange. He couldn't imagine his life without them, at this point. Asahis fidgets, Know-it-all Oikawa, Ball of sunshine Hinata, Akaashi just being Akaashi, Tendous upbeat personality, Kenmas silent snickers, commanding Yaku and obviously Atsumu. 

And with that, everything seemed fine. Things would work themselves out, his friends would eventually get together and everything would be perfect, for everyone he cared about. But there was one thing bothering Sakusa. He thought about it, slouched on the couch next to Hinata and Kenma with Atsumus chest against his back. His locks were hanging in his face and he blew them up only for them to fall back into his eyes again. He continued that for a while, just drowning in his thoughts.

Hinata was combing Kenmas hair into super tiny braids, singing quietly to himself a German lullaby he had recently learned on his own account. Atsumu was reading through some law stuff when Sakusas head shot up. 

"Why haven't I met your family yet?" 

Everything went dead silent for a short moment. It was weird. Atsumu often talked about his brother, but never really much about his parents. Sakusa only had his mother, Tetsuya, who was living a few hours from University, so they would occasionally meet up, or if that wasn't manageable, Skype and talk a bit, but other than that she was a busy woman. Sakusa had introduced Atsumu to his mother and was pleasantly surprised at the positive feedback. Well, not that surprised. He knew his mom craved for him to be a bit more social, knowing her son's condition. She often told him that she was no different from him when she was his age, so of course she would want to make sure he would grow out of it. She wasn't pushy by any means, though, which Sakusa was thankful for. He just assumed she would be a bit opposed to her only son being gay, but to his luck, she was delighted. She also immediately took a liking to Atsumu and told him every two seconds what a "Handsome man" he was and that he should take good care of her "omi-baby". 

"Omi-baby?", Atsumu had giggled, what earned him a jab in his side. 

That's why Sakusa was a bit hurt that he didn't know anything about Atsumus family, at all.

"Oh- uh- m…", Atsumu stuttered while wrapping his arms around him tighter, unsure of how to articulate himself properly. 

"I don't really- ah, how do I put this- uhm.."

Atsumu stiffened behind him, painfully so, that Sakusa got a little worried. Kenma wiggled out of Hinatas hold on his hair, moved over to Atsumu and put his hands on his shoulders roughly.

"Hey, it's okay, Tsumu. Deep breaths", he said in a calming voice. Now Sakusa was alarmed, looking from Hinata to Kenma and back again.

"Saku, I'm sorry but this is a touchy subject so just- don't ask again for the time being", he then said firmly. "Please stand up, I need to go and have a talk with Tsumu" 

Sakusa got mad. Mad at Kenma for talking to him like that. Mad at himself that he didn't seem to be trustworthy enough to be told the whole truth. He got jealous, because Kenma knew everything about Atsumu and he only knew a fraction. He was sad, because he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. A sinking feeling placed itself in his throat and his chest as he stood up without a word, balling his fists and looking down defeatedly.

Kenma walked out onto the balcony with his boyfriend, they sat down and talked; with Hinata and Sakusa left in the living room by themselves.

Atsumu was close to tears and just so utterly overwhelmed, he only gasped for air, waving his hands around. It was a fruitless attempt to calm himself down.

"Tsumu, it's okay", Kenma reassured, patting his head as they sat down together, holding each other close. 

"Just breathe, that's it. It's okay. It's not your fault" 

"But it is, Ko, it is! Nothing would have happened if I was just normal, but NO I had to be a freak, I had to go and ruin everything- it just had to be about me and I tore my whole family apart-" 

"Tsumu" 

"-and Osamu probably hates me so much he never wants to see my face ever again, because he knows it's all my fault and-" 

"Tsumu" 

"-and dad must be so disappointed in me for not being good enough and not working a real job to make my own real money and don't get me started on mom because mom hates-" 

"Atsumu Miya" 

Atsumu gasped for air really loudly and then looked at Kenma with desperation and fear in his eyes. 

"WHAT-" 

Kenma took a hold of Atsumus arms, gripping them painfully and started shaking him violently, as he yelled. 

"For the last time: It is not your fault!" 

___

"What do you think they're talking about?", Sakusa wondered, turning his head to Hitana, who had started braiding his locks quietly. He made a tiny chirping sound, just like a small bird would.

"Well, I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but I really need to get it off my chest, too. It hurts to see Atsumu so-.. broken. Probably even more for you than for me", Hinata finished his first braid and took new strands of hair what made Sakusa shiver. 

"You can't tell me?", Sakusa pressed on. 

"I can tell you in Span-Ger-English, so you won't understand?"

Sakusa made a noise of approval, thinking he might get snippets of the story. Maybe he was wrong. 

"So. Atsumus Mutter es muy mala y no quiere a sus hijos weil son gay. Su papá se hizo trennen de ella y now Atsumu piensa que ist his fault y de que su bruder le hace hassen", Hinata said, always replacing a word he didn't know in a different language. Sakusa blinked at nothing for a second and finally replied with: "All I got is: "Atsumu, gay, now his fault?"

Hinata giggled a little, feeling triumphant and braided from the other side of his head. He moved his fingers quickly, sticking his tongue out in concentration and he hummed quietly. 

"He will tell you when he's ready, give him time. I don't know everything, either", Hinata told the taller man. Sakusa frowned even more. If Atsumu really did like him, why would he keep something of such importance from him? Sighing, Sakusa leaned back against Hinata, who yelped in surprise. He looked down at the man, who now had 3 tiny braids in his hair. 

"Can you- uhm- hug me? I'm kinda sad", Sakusa asked Hinata in a whispered tone, looking up at him from where his head was in the others lap, eyes seeking of something that would make the feeling in his chest ease out. Hinata smiled so brightly that Sakusa thought he might go blind and shielded his eyes, while he felt Hinata wrap his arms around his torso. It felt different from when Atsumu did it, but it wasn't any less pleasant. He sighed, sinking into Hinatas touch, pouting.

"Thanks for being so nice to me, Hinata", Sakusa murmured. His eyes widened and he started to smile the slightest bit when Hinata retorted with: "Well, of course, Omi! We are friends after all!" 

Atsumu and Kenma were cooing and making a fuss, their phones in hand, when they got back to the living room half an hour later to find Sakusa and Hinata fast asleep and cuddling on the couch. When they were done with their photoshoot, they laid a blanket over the two and went to make dinner. Well, Atsumu made dinner. And with that, the topic was pushed to the side and not mentioned again and Atsumu and Kenma shared the same lockscreen.

______________________

"So he planned all your dates up to this point?", Akaashi questioned, laughing to himself from his spot next to Kenma on the bed. Sakusa glared at him but nodded his head yes. When Akaashi kept looking at him in disbelief, he felt the need to add: "I'm broke, okay. He always has us go to fancy restaurants and expensive shit like that and I can't match that! I'd look stupid when we'd normally visit Italian restaurants, but then I invite him to go get ice cream? That's so lame! It has to be something good or I'll dig my own hole…", Sakusa rambled, looking down onto his Nintendo. 

"Are you aware that he just wants to spoil you and doesn't even like fancy stuff himself?", Kenma asked quietly, without so much as looking up from his screen. "Akaashi, there's almost no flowers in your town, can I plant some?", he added, looking at the other man who pushed up his glasses on his nose and nodded. 

"I, in fact, had no idea about that…", Sakusa had to admit, walking his villager to the city to buy flowers for Akaashis city "Starowl". He hadn't really thought about it until now. Atsumu seemed to be a good actor, if he didn't really enjoy fancy restaurants as Kenma said. He really knew everything about everyone.

Kenma adjusted his position on the bed and was now hanging off the edge of the it with his head and the Nintendo in front of it, held up by his arms. He pushed them up to look at Sakusa with his bored, cat-like expression, lips pursing slightly before he started talking again.

"He doesn't need anything fancy. It's enough if you just think about it at all. He would go run a marathon with you. I wouldn't even do that for Shouyou, okay?", Kenma said, with a jealous undertone, having a big impact on the other two. They we're watching him with shock, their mouths hanging open. Akaashi caught himself first and smiled weakly, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Kenma means that Atsumu will be happy no matter what, I think", Akaashi explained, laughing when Kenma moved again and had the Nintendo fall on his nose. He mewled out in pain and didn't move for a bit, except for his hands that made grabby motions. As he moved to hold his nose, his eyes filled with tears. 

"Haha, idiot", ginning, Akaashi stood up. "I'm getting an ice pack, anyone need anything?" 

"A new nose"

"A will to live" 

The three of them looked at each other and laughed a little. Their mutual understanding had grown immensely and they had bonded over existential crisis memes and their boyfriends. It was also a lucky coincidence that all of them were tops. And, god, did they love talking about their bottom boyfriends. 

Once Akaashi started talking about Bokuto, it was very hard to stop him. He often tried to tell what his favorite thing about Bokuto was, but could never settle if it was his biceps or his smile, his ass or his eyes, his abs or his smile- the list goes on.

Kenma always went on about how cute Hinata sounded in any language ever and how Hinata just was his perfect match, because he could cook and do the domestic things while he got all the money and didn't have to cook, because he was terrible at it. 

It was kind of like the old stereotypes of 'woman at home cooking' and 'men out making the money', but all of that was absolut bullshit, even more so when it was two gay men who were two human being individuals and shouldn't be minimized on how much they earn, anyways. That is why Sakusa didn't like stereotypes at all and reasoned it differently, no judgement involved. It's was better that way, he believed.

Sakusa saw Bokuto and Hinata as the more domestically smart. They knew how to deal with people, knew how to cook and sew and have a harmonic house life because they grew up in one. They were empathetic and kind and good with children; people you like to be around when you're in any type of mood. Akaashi and Kenma on the other side seemed more academically smart and lacked the domestic knowledge big time. Akaashi once wanted to boil an egg in the microwave and Kenma had a lot of pinkish and very tight clothing because he had just put all the laundry in at the same time with the wrong settings. On top of that, even though they were smart, they were unable to learn the simplest things. Akaashi told him that Bokuto had said if they were living together, he wouldn't let Akaashi do any of the cleaning, because he was just not good at it and would always put the wrong trash bag into the wrong trash can at his family's house. 

So, the domestic one needed his smart one, it was like puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly without having to put up any effort at all and it came naturally to Sakusa that he had found his puzzle piece by his side already. 

When Akaashi walked back in, placing the ice pack to Kemas nose carefully, he looked at Sakusa intently. 

"Kiyoomi, I'll be quitting on campus soon and the place where I'm gonna work is a good date spot. It sells amazingly good Onigiri and is fancy enough and not too expensive. Sound good for inviting your boyfriend to a date for the first time ever?", Akaashi teased at the end, settling back down next to Kenma, who turned to lay his torso on Akaashis thighs and complained.

"Hold the pack, please. I need both of my hands to fix this ugly town of yours, Keiji. Also, why does your villager look like Bokuto? You literally let him have the bedhead hair, because no hairstyle looks like his.." 

Sakusa ignored Kenma and thought about it for a second. Atsumu did like onigiri and so did he. If it wasn't too expensive and not too far, that would be perfect. Sakusa closed his Nintendo in anticipation and shot Akaashi a slightly nervous look. 

"Give me the directions, I'm going on a date!" 

"Nooooo you startled me and I fucked up getting the fish with the fin!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I wrote another SakuAtsu but now I'm back on this fic!! 
> 
> Like always, please give some feedback please!! 
> 
> Come chat on Twitter I'm @/Tetsuu_art 
> 
> See you next chapter, prepare for some angst :*


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